Monday, January 8, 2018

To New Beginnings or something like that....

It's January. You know...that time of the year when everyone half heartedly resolves to be better versions of themselves for however long that lasts.

I don't really think we should make resolutions for one reason. It's a simple one, really.

Most of us suck at keeping promises we make to ourselves.

I'm including myself here, so spare me the lecture.

I mean, I'm all for self improvement, don't misinterpret my words. I just don't happen to see much utility in doing it just because the date on the calendar changed.

Change because you really want it, because it will improve your health, because it will strengthen your relationship, not because someone selling something on TV told you there was a sale this month.

As for me, I'm giving keto a shot. I started before the holidays, actually, presumably because I enjoy torturing myself. And because I'd rather eat sadness than chocolate.

FOR REAL I need some chocolate.

I'm not doing it for vanity or for the number sewn into my pants to diminish. I'm doing it because my pancreas needs me to.

And it's okay.

I mean, you can eat so much cheese and bacon and avocados. I've taken to snacking on handfuls of almonds and started wondering who the hell I think I am.

I promised myself that I would try to paint my nails once a week, again not for the benefit of anyone on the planet except myself. I want to make sure that I'm forcing myself to do something nice for ME. Because I spend just about all my time taking care of other people, signing up for more and more volunteer projects, taking on more at work, and generally being so busy that I can't see straight.

Truth, though?

That's how my ADHD anxiety ridden brain functions best. I have to stay busy. I HAVE TO, or not a goddamn thing gets done. It really is all or nothing in my life, and there's too many things to get done for me to opt for the nothing side.

Plus, our society is a total fucking trash fire right now, and I really have to keep fighting even if I am worn out because there's this stubborn little voice inside my head that tries to convince me all the time that there are more good people than evil ones and that somehow together we can generate a Care Bear Stare or build a Voltron or something to fix it.

Where are my 80s kids at? You'll get those references.

Anyway, I haven't written here for a while and I probably won't be back for a while because I really am this busy, and one of the things I am doing these days involves FINALLY getting paid to be a sarcastic know it all writer. SO I'm going to do that.

I love you guys. Take care. Be well. Keep fighting.

Oh BTW, this is officially my tenth year as a blogger, which is insane. Peek over at that margin. What the....

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