Monday, May 2, 2016

Pet Peeves and A Bulleted List of My Day

I'm trying to get this list done. Two posts at a time, apparently. And it's May now, so I'm officially terrible about this challenge.

The 15th prompt wants me to tell you three pet peeves.

1. People who comment without reading what they are commenting on.
2. People who blame me for what people write in response to things I post.
3. Basically the entire fucking internet right now.

That was quick. Heh.

The 16th prompt wants me to make a bulleted list of what my day looks like. OH NOW THIS WILL BE FUN.

Should I number it? Would that make it weirder? Here's what a typical weekday looks like, minus all the overthinking and anxiety stuff.

  1. Feed baby at 3am or whatever time he wakes up.
  2. Wrestle with baby as he attempts to perfect 16 different yoga poses after eating.
  3. Celebrate wildly when husband puts baby back in his crib after he kicks Dad in the head while doing yoga.
  4. Wake up when the birds start chirping outside. Attempt to go back to sleep, which may or may not work depending on which conversations from the day before are being relived in my head at the moment.
  5. Wake up precisely 7 minutes before alarm goes off. Give up sleeping.
  6. Get up. Pee. Ask husband if he wants a smoothie even though he always wants a smoothie and the question is a waste of time.
  7. If someone is coming over in the morning, maybe put a bra on. Maybe. Depends on who it is.
  8. Go downstairs. Tell older kids to clean up after themselves before the leave for school. Did you eat? Do you have a lunch? Good luck on your test. Make good choices. Bye. Love you.
  9. Let dog out. Again.
  10. Laugh at 7 year old sleeping on the couch, again, after he "woke" up early to watch tv.
  11. Make smoothie. Switch kefir. Grumble under breath at the pile of dishes. 
  12. Coffee. Smoothie first, then coffee. These are the rules, people.
  13. Kiss husband goodbye. Love you.
  14. Check FB, schedule stuff. Roll eyes.
  15. Switch the laundry because there is always laundry to switch.
  16. Do dishes because there are always dishes to be done.
  17. Twiddle thumbs until 7 year old wakes up.
  18. When 7 year old wakes up, get him fed and working on schoolwork before his sister wakes up.
  20. Read all the news. Scan fb. Lose faith in humanity. Briefly regain it.
  21. 11 year old wakes up. Beg her to eat something that doesn't require an hour of nibbling.
  22. Try to get as much work done as humanly possible before baby wakes up.
  23. Baby wakes up, roars like Godzilla, leaves path of destruction. Feed Godzilla.
  24. Put him in highchair and throw food at him until he pretends to poop just so he can get out of the highchair.
  25. Send them outside to play for a while.
  26. Schedule some stuff on Facebook. Check email. Moderate comments. Roll eyes at the internet.
  27. Try to get work done while Godzilla baby does everything possible to prevent that.
  28. Lunch. Feed baby, then nap. Yay.
  29. Finish whatever isn't done. Do more dishes. Do more laundry. Watch some Bill Nye.
  30. Wait until last possible minute to shower in time to leave to pick up older kids and carpool kids.
  31. Drive around town for a solid 90 minutes. Laugh at people trying to back into parking spaces. Wait in parking lots. 
  32. Curse under breath at road construction by the house.
  33. Curse under breath at a specific neighbor.
  34. Do your homework. Get ready for whatever we have to do this afternoon/tonight. Feed baby.
  35. Make dinner. Do more dishes. Do more laundry. Sweep kitchen floor.
  36. Feed the people. 
  37. Usually, play a game or something after dinner unless someone has to go somewhere. Or catch up on episodes of Flash or Arrow or Dancing with the Stars.
  38. Wrangle baby. Feed baby. Goodnight baby.
  39. Go to bed. Brush your teeth. Kisses. Love you. No really, go to bed.
  40. Husband: "want a drink?" Me: "yes".
  41. Someone falls asleep on the couch about half the time while trying to catch up on Game of Thrones or Daredevil.
  42. Go upstairs, lay down. LAYING DOWN IS THE BEST.
  43. Replay entire day, over analyze everything I did and said and thought. That thing that happened 20 years ago - worry about that too. 
  44. Eventually fall asleep, knowing that Groundhog Day awaits tomorrow.

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