Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Things That Piss Me Off Tuesday - the bathrooms and Beyonce edition


These past few days, goddamn.

If you don't understand what Lemonade is, then it's not for you
Sunday afternoon, my husband took most of the kids fishing and while he was gone and the baby was asleep, I watched Lemonade. I'd been seeing posts and comments from friends raving about it all morning, this visual album that needed to be watched to be understood.

I watched it, not really having any idea what it was about.

I didn't want to spoil anything for myself ahead of time.



It was good. It was so fucking amazing.

I need to watch it about 12 more times to really experience it all fully, but I'm not sure that I can handle it emotionally.

Musically, visually, spiritually. It is a story of long histories and pain and healing and redemption and rage.

I don't for one second think that this was made for me, but I related on far too many levels to the images and words. I know that my experience with it is one limited by my experiences in life, by my perspective, and I know full well that this all just means more to black women. So much more and for so many reasons.

I'll not be commenting on any of that specifically because I learned a very long time ago when it is not my place to opine, where it is my place to yield to those with a closer relationship, a deeper understanding.

I stand back now in deep adoration, drinking in the words of those women, the ones like Luvvie. Please go and read her piece here. 

In the days following the release, I've seen people in the media wondering how she maintained so much control about the project itself and protected it from leaks ahead of time.

We don't see conversations like this with male artists. No one muses aloud about how they became so saavy about the business aspects.

I've seen people question the authenticity of her emotions because she's making money on the sale of the music, as if that has ever been a basis to invalidate what male artists had to say.

I've seen people (who I imagine didn't actually watch the piece, but commented on screenshots instead) condemn her for politicizing music, who've vowed never to support her because of her support of the BLM movement, of the fact that she provided a space for the mourning mothers to let their pain be seen.

Music isn't made purely for entertainment, at least not all of it. Music, I'd argue the important music, is made for a reason beyond fleeting amusement. It's tied to a story, it's intended to connect to the audience, it's intended to make a statement, it's intended to make you feel something. Just because her career began in pop music doesn't mean she's disqualified from saying something with more meaning today. No. No it does not.

I've seen people bash her for airing her dirty laundry, for the accusations made about her father, her husband. I've seen people rush to the defense of her husband, shame her for mentioning what happened between them. Blame her for the reactions of her fans based on the social media posts of potential Beckys.

Fuck that noise right now.

No, seriously. Fuck. That. Noise.

This is her story to tell.

She didn't name names. If the women who might have been involved in the attempted destruction of her marriage out themselves on social media, that's not her fault.

If you're feeling sympathy for the man who appears to have betrayed her, made amends, reconciled and appeared in the video....well...

This story is about her. Her life, her love, her pain, her rage, her healing, her marriage. It's not about the woman or women who ended up merely becoming a footnote in her story.

This is her story to tell.

If this is the manner in which she has chosen to tell it, one which is resonating deeply and profoundly with large numbers of people of all genders and ages and relationship statuses, then so be it. If it makes you uncomfortable, oh well. I don't think she cares. If you don't get it, good for you. For real.

Then this isn't for you.

Move along.

This isn't for you.

Stop believing it is supposed to be.

p.s. Piers Morgan, this sure as hell isn't for you. Sit down.

Bathroom Bills Gone Wild
I seriously cannot believe that we are at a point in society where we are arguing about bathrooms.

I'm going to bullet this list because I'm pretty fucking tired of arguing.

- If you're worried about your daughter sharing a bathroom with transgender people, you should probably keep her away from every adult and older child she knows and is exposed to as well, because they're far more likely to abuse her.

- Do you just not care about the boys? Um....because your logic seems to suggest that all those predators are now and should remain in the men's bathrooms. With your sons.

- That little girl you're so passionate about saving might actually associate as male. And that son you don't seem too concerned about may have been assigned to the incorrect body at birth. I apologize for just blowing your mind.

- The same logic used in these arguments were used before in regards to segregation. History. It's a thing.

- If you really care about protecting kids in bathrooms, lobby for sex offenders to be banned from all public bathrooms. Worry for half a second about the kid that was just beat to death inside a school bathroom instead of some imagined harm conjured up on cable news.

- The statistics don't support the claim that transgender individuals pose any threat to anyone in bathrooms. 

- There are elected officials that have been arrested for improper behavior in bathrooms.

- Trans people are far more likely to be victims, across the board, in every setting, public and private.

- It's none of your damn business whether a trans person has physically transitioned or not. Stop obsessing about genitalia.

- If the threat you've deemed legitimate is that predators will use bathroom equality as some way to enter bathrooms, you probably missed the part where they're criminals and don't actually follow the law anyway.

- Attacks in public bathrooms are exceedingly rare anyway. Pedophiles usually target and groom children they already know, not strangers.

- The fitting rooms at every Target I've been in for the last few years have been non-gender specific already. I was in one last night, actually. With lots of people of all ages. There were people who appeared male and people who appeared female. I did not demand to see anyone's genitals. The world did not explode.

- You've been sharing bathrooms with trans people already. For your entire life. For real.

OH. One more thing.

If someone says they'd rather share a bathroom with a trans person than a bigot, they aren't calling you a bigot....but if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that shit up and take a lap.


  1. I've been feeling pissy all day. Thank you! I feel so much better!

  2. Seriously...I freaking LOVE these posts!


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