My brain is all over the place today, largely because it is the 10th of February. The anniversary of the day my father died.
I'm having a hard time focusing, so bear with me.
I have a list of quotes that I have every intention of talking about eventually, but none of them jumped out and spoke to me today.
So here we are, with a quote that I wasn't planning to write about, but that makes sense to me today. Well, most days this one makes sense.
"Not all those who wander are lost."
~ J.R.R. Tolkien
I'm sure that for most of you out there, you'll get the reference immediately. If not, it's a line of a poem found in the novel The Lord of the Rings.
Go read it. I'll wait. (okay, not really wait because it's pretty long...but go read it if you haven't already)
I'll save you a long description of the LOTR books, about the relevance of this particular quote from this particular poem from this particular book, and just talk about my interpretation of it instead, mostly because any discussion of LOTR is destined to be long and winded, much like the books themselves.
This quote in particular fits for me today.
If I could just run away from my house and my responsibilities and my kids today, I know exactly where I would go and what I would do.
I'd end up by the river, walking, wandering. I'd probably do a decent amount of talking to myself. I'd avoid all human interaction. I'd commune with nature and sit with it and just soak it in. I'd find some quiet bench in the sunshine somewhere and just be. Then, when I'd done that for long enough, however long that would be, I'd get up and wander some more.
It's one of the only things that truly helps me when I'm in this place that I'm in.
It saved my life a few times in the past years.
It's odd, I know, but the water calls me. It tells me to come and stare at it, to watch it move and change, to witness its power and its tranquility.
I am not a religious person in any capacity, but I am a spiritual being. My church is outside, under the bright blue sky and beside the water. My worries and wishes are whispered not to a God, but to the trees as the breeze blows.
My center is out there.
The further I get away from people, the better sometimes.
It helps me clear things up in my head. It helps me work through grief. It helps me understand the enormity of my presence in this world and the insignificance of my life all at the same time.
It gives me perspective, the wandering.
I haven't been able to do it for a long, long time, and I know that I need to.
No, not all those who wander are lost.
Some of us wander, instead, to find ourselves.
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