Thursday, December 31, 2015

If it's not a resolution or a bucket list, WTF is it?

By now, you all should know that I'm not one to do platitudes. I don't do sweeping generalizations. I don't tell people that they should trust that things happen for a reason. That this next year will be the year of magic miracles and flying rainbow unicorns and happiness and all that.

Those things make me twitch, truth be told.

At the end of the year, though, I think it's human nature to take an inventory, muse about the things that have happened. The goals you'd perhaps set the year prior. Maybe you reached them, maybe you didn't. Maybe you just don't care about that anymore because life came along and gave you something else to do or told you that the thing you thought was important wasn't actually important at all.

I've had that last one happen so many times that it's essentially prompted me to stop trying to think I can control what happens. Plans are great and all, having goals is commendable, certainly.

Life just don't often afford us the opportunity to do a full check off on the list of things we think we want. At least for me it hasn't.

Instead of doing annual resolutions, I started a 40 by 40 list a while back. I'll be 40 in February 2017.

I try not to think of it as a bucket list.

I don't know what it is exactly.

Here's a picture.

Here are the first 10. I haven't come up with the rest of the list yet.

1. I'd really like to scatter my parents ashes with my brother before then. I have to get their ashes first...which is a long damn story. Ugh.

2. I'd like to go to Washington D.C. since I've never been there before. (I know....I KNOW)

3. I'd like to run a mile. Just once. I've never been able to run a whole mile in my life, even when I was 15 and ran every day. I have bad knees. I have asthma. I tend to end up in a pile on the ground gasping for air almost immediately then limp for a week afterwards. I don't know why I want to do this, but it is mostly because I've never done it.

4. I'd like to finish one of my books. The problem is that I don't even know which one I should be working on right now. They're all so emotionally draining.

5. I'd like to start doing podcasts. But then people would be able to hear my voice and that freaks me out.

6. I want to get back to the beach by then. I miss the ocean.

7. I want to get at least one more tattoo. I have some of the funds squirreled away and I know what I want, it's just a matter of finding a place and deciding where I want it.

8. I want to finish repainting the rest of the downstairs, get everything back on the walls and not hate the color. Long story, but last time I did this, I chose poorly and then had to live with it a long time.

9. I want to travel more locally, go places we haven't been yet here in Colorado.

10. I want to go on a trip with my husband and no kids. Somewhere. Anywhere.

I wrote this last summer, and I'm now down to 13 months until 40. I don't know what the rest of the list will look like, but I've managed to check three things off already, four if we're counting the short trip I took for a friend's wedding where we only took the baby. Trust me, it was a piece of cake only having one kid to worry about.

I could totally get behind doing the podcasts, if I thought that there were people out there who would listen to them. Would you listen? Would I sound weird? Can I even figure out how to do it? What do you want me to talk about?

Maybe by my birthday this year, I'll have the rest of the list formed. Maybe.

But probably not.

After all, I'm not so good with following through on plans, and at some point I just accepted this truth about myself. It's amusing to me that I'm even making this list.

Have any of you done a 40 by 40 list or anything similar? What was on your list? Did you do it?

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