Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Things That Piss Me Off Tuesday - the like I need another reason to hate calendars edition

Hi. I'm annoyed. Already. And it's 8:23 a.m.

You want to know why??? Well, I'm assuming you do because you're here and you're reading this, and if you're here and you're reading this, the reason probably has something to do with the fact that you enjoy my weekly rants, so I'm also going to assume you want to know why I'm already annoyed at 8:23 8:24 in the morning.

I'm pissed at Facebook. To be more accurate, I'm pissed at social media. There is this thing now that we live in a world where everyone is online all the time that irritates the hell out of me: these totally bullshit "holidays" that someone just decided to invent one day. We have siblings days and #tbt and now we have best friends day. OHGOOD.

Here's the thing. Some of us don't really have a best friend because we used to and and then one day we got royally fucked over by that best friend so we don't so much call people that anymore.

I mean, I have friends. Lots of them, in varying degrees. I even have what some would consider "best" friends, but I don't call them that because I don't do that anymore and I probably will never do that again because I just can't.

When you combine this bullshit fake holiday with the wonder that is the "this day" look back feature on Facebook every damn day now, where that once upon a time best friend of mine shows up on the regular, it's a fucking miracle that I haven't thrown my computer across the room.

Hi. My name is Kelly and I have PTSD. For reasons.


There's other stuff that I need to get to, so I'll get over myself. For now.

This Week In Post Racial America
The fact that I have typed that sentence more than once in the past few months here and had things to write about should be some indication that we don't live in post racial America, and that the fact that some people like to insist that such a thing exists probably means that they are clueless a-holes....but I digress.

This week in the land of the free and the home of the brave, a white cop slammed a 14 year old black girl to the ground after waving his gun at a group of teenagers who were attending a pool party while black...which is apparently not allowed. The story gets even worse when you realize that it appears the only reason the police were called in the first place had to do with an old white woman feeling uncomfortable because there were black teenagers at a pool party that they'd very much been invited to. I literally can't even with this bullshit. The cop involved....wait for it....has been sued for racial profiling before. Shocking, I know. The police department vows to investigate. Uh huh. We've heard that before...

In a shocking story involving the vast failure of the justice system, this week also saw the suicide of Khalief Browder. He'd been held at Rikers Island for three years without ever having been found guilty of any crime. He'd never even been tried. What he had been was accused of stealing a backpack at 16 years old. His family was unable to afford an attorney, and he was at the mercy of the system.

Yes, you read that correctly. He was accused of stealing a backpack while underage, never tried, never convicted and yet held in one of the most violent prison complexes in the country. He was beaten up on a regular basis, thrown in solitary confinement and more. He always maintained his innocence. He was released after three years in prison for a crime he claims he never committed, spending a significant amount of that time in solitary. He never recovered from the emotional trauma. And now he's dead at his own hands.

This Week in Politics
Joe Biden's son Beau died of a brain tumor last week. Biden, absolutely heartbroken at losing another of his children, was deeply in mourning. Most people would respect that, take a break from slinging mud long enough for him to bury his son at least. Ted Cruz, though...he just couldn't help himself and told a bad joke about Biden. He was called on it, of course, and later apologized, but really??? You're an asshole, Ted Cruz.

Mike Huckabee says he wants to be President, but I really think he'd rather dig himself a big old hole of assholery and jump right on in it. After coming to the defense of the Duggar family a couple of weeks ago, this week it was revealed that he's made some rather inappropriate comments about transgender individuals in the recent past. Since everyone is talking about Caitlyn Jenner right now, his prior statements came to light, and apparently he wishes he'd faked being trans so that he could have showered with the girls in high school. Missing the point for $1000, Trebek. Also...what the fuck, man? That's gross. Not only do you clearly not get anything about what being trans actually is, you'd try and use it to prey on young girls???

Scott Walker also wants to be President. Are you seeing a trend here yet? This week, he is pushing for legislation in Wisconsin that would ban all abortions after 20 weeks, even in cases of rape and incest.

Rick Santorum also wants to be President. (this is getting funny now, right?) This week, he said that he is more qualified than the Pope (who is actually a chemist) to talk about climate change. Santorum, decidedly not a scientist, says that he gets to have an opinion because of things like job creation, but one of the heads of a world religion (who again, is actually a chemist) shouldn't because he shouldn't use his position in that manner. Instead, Santorum said he should stick to talking about faith. Something tells me that if the Pope was going to say we should approve the Keystone pipeline and fracking is safe and the oceans aren't rising, Santorum would be totally okay with his opinions, but since the Pope intends to come out strongly the opposite direction, that's the issue here. Santorum thinks that people only get to play the Jesus card when they agree with him. Nope. Sorry.

Finally, Placentas
Ooooh, bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?

I should warn you guys. If you don't already know it, I'm a doula. I'm crunchy as hell. I cloth diaper and baby wear and breastfeed and I totally ate my own placenta after this last baby was born. I had reasons for it, the biggest of which is that I have a long ugly history of post partum depression. I had my placenta encapsulated and took all the capsules months ago.

Come here, smell my breath. 

Just kidding. For the love.


It's totally not gross. It helped me get over the worst part of the hormonal adjustment post partum. It helped with my milk supply and healing too. I highly recommend it, especially for women with a history of PPD.

Thing is, a study came out this week saying that there are no benefits to doing it. AND NOW THE INTERNET IS ALL GROSSED OUT THAT WOMEN DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

A few things here. One, the study is flawed in my opinion, and I say that not just as a consumer of placenta, but as a health researcher (yeah, I actually am trained in that...) Other studies have shown benefits in the past. Two, studies like this tend to overlook and ignore the fact that humans are mammals. We like to think that we're highly evolved and all that shit, but really we are mammals. And mammals consume their own placentas. They just do.

If you don't want to eat your placenta, fine. No one is going to make you. We've been raised in this bizarre society that thinks birth is gross and everything should be sterile and that throws placentas away as medical waste almost all the time. If you want it tossed out (actually, they get incinerated), fine. Honest.

But if someone else wants to eat their placenta, however they choose to consume it, and in whatever manner they choose to, leave them the hell alone.

That's all I have to say about that.


  1. I can't wait till Rick Santorum gets to Heaven and God looks at him and say, "Dude, you were a politician so this is already going to be a hard interview for you but let's just skip to the part where you went after my boy, The Pope."

    1. Right??? If that's not proof of how short sighted he is, I'm not sure what it would take!


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