Wednesday, June 10, 2015

5th Annual 30 Day Photo Challenge ~ Day 11 ~ Overcome/Struggle

God.

Okay, so when someone suggested this day in the challenge, I was on board with it entirely. One of the truths in this life is that we are more defined by what we overcome than what hurts us.

So, here goes.

BTW, everything about this picture terrifies me. It took me a long time to even take this picture, and it took me even longer to imagine what I'd include in it.


This is me. As raw and unedited as I get. Oh good, there's even dried spit up on the strap of my shirt. That was a little more real than I was intending. Hmmm. Oh well.

Anyway.

I don't have any makeup on. My hair isn't brushed. I'm still wearing the clothes I was wearing yesterday. I'm wearing glasses, which might not seem like a big deal to most people but I have some real emotional baggage when it comes to that. I'm still tired.

I took this right after I woke up from a triggery PTSD dream. They tend to show up this time of year.

I'm currently overwhelmed with PPD, and let me just say that the whole intrusive thoughts thing has to be the most bizarre form of torture. It isn't as bad as it's been in the past, but goddamn.

I'm looking out the window in our room in a house that has given me a whole different set of issues.

My anxiety about these windows was so bad at one time that I forced my husband to put locks on them all. I was irrationally afraid of one of the kids falling out of them. For years.

I am sort of hiding behind the drapes on purpose here. Because I feel like I'm usually hiding something. I'm usually stuffing some aspect of my personality down deep, refusing to show it to the world because it's overwhelming even to me and I don't want to scare other people away more than I already do.

My face looks that way because I'm skeptical about almost everything, even about taking and sharing this picture.

This is the real me.

I have a lot to contend with just to get out of bed in the morning, but I do it. I stuff the anxiety down so that it doesn't affect how I raise my kids. I do whatever it takes to slay the dragons PPD churns up in my imagination. I cope the best I can with the PTSD. I live with the ADHD because I always have and I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't get distracted all the time.

What do you struggle with? What have you overcome?

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