Friday, February 6, 2015

The stories that I keep...

Ask any writer and they'll tell you with the utmost sincerity that for every story told, there is at least one left untold. Some of them may be written for our eyes only, scribbled down somewhere secret and sacred. Some of them may reside only within the confines of our minds, but they exist nevertheless.

With time, there is a distinct possibility that some of my untold stories may find their way to some form of publishing, whether it is here in this format or in a book. I can't say with any degree of certainty what the future holds for me, and if I'm being completely honest, I stopped trying to guess.

I was a terrible guesser, anyhow.

If you'd have told me that on this day, my 38th birthday, I'd be staring out the window, listening to the rhythmic tick of a baby swing holding my fifth child and pecking away at a keyboard, I'd have laughed at the ridiculousness of that prediction.

I never saw myself where I am now, never in my wildest dreams.

It wasn't even until this very day one year ago that I knew that fifth child would be with me. I found out on the evening of my birthday that I was pregnant, a by-product of my patent inability to be patient and wait.

I assure you that the vast majority of pregnancy tests ever purchased in this country are done so by women using them days before they are even supposed to be accurate. Then again and again and again.

It would be hard to ever top that birthday gift, especially considering it wasn't one that I ever thought I would receive.

For what seemed like the longest time, I couldn't tell that story. I had to take it and keep it, this most amazing birthday gift. I can share it now, though.

He's a hand-holder. Even in his sleep.
This past year has been one of healing for me, one of reflection. Though there have certainly been times that I have struggled, that struggle hasn't been as looming or as constant as it has been in the past. I know in my head and in my heart that a big part of the reason why those monsters I battle aren't winning, why they are smaller and less intimidating these days, is this. Writing.

I've said before that it saved me, and I'm not being even a little bit facetious.

It has quite literally kept me sane.

So, today, I begin another year. Another rotation around the sun for me.

I'll probably pick up a few more wrinkles this year. I'll gain some more gray hair, the ones habitually and methodically pointed out by my children. They are so honest, aren't they?

I've learned though, that aging is something best done with gratitude. For every day that I am here, I am grateful. For every moment of frustration, I do my very best to breathe deep and remember that this too, whatever this is right now, shall pass.

Because it always passes.

These past few years have taught me that lesson more than any other. Repeatedly.

No matter how horrible things may be, they will never be forever. 

I can weather the storms, I can walk through the unrelenting dark tunnel, I can. I can because I have.

And I'm here to celebrate another year, surrounded by my family, the one that is finally complete.

This birthday is one that I can truly say is happy.

Thank you for reading. I still have a lot of stories to tell. I hope you'll stick around. xo


  1. Where else would we go?
    Love and light to you and yours as you begin another year.

  2. What a beautiful birthday, twice in a row! Quite touching. And, please keep telling storues, I love to read them. A peek, a glimpse of life that though not mine, I can understand a bit or gain understanding. :)


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