Wednesday, December 17, 2014

All I Want For Christmas Is This Stuff...

It's time for my annual Christmas list.

Because I'm five.

This is a thing around here, and if you're so inclined, you can read the lists from prior years here:


Holy cow, is this really the sixth year I have done this?!?!

Anyway, sorry that I'm writing this so late this year. Usually I try to get it done in time so that it could actually be of real use to people who want to get me something....not that most of the things I ever wish for are things...

1. I want the people who live in my house to do things without me having to become a nag. I hate the sound of my own voice, I hate being annoying...but that is quite literally the only way shit's getting done around here. Well, not true....I could just do it all, but that's not gonna happen. I'm supposed to be teaching my children life skills. I'm supposed to be teaching my children life skills. I'm supposed to be teaching my children life skills.

2. I want more patience. I try, I try SO HARD to hold it together when I'm dealing with my most difficult child. Really, I do. But goddamn. There are days every once in a while that I just can't handle any more interactions with this one. I need more patience. Or shorter days. Or an earlier bedtime. Or something. Serenity now.

3. I want more room on my DVR. Yes, we already upgraded and got the one with a ton of storage, but it just isn't enough. We need to record ALL THE SHOWS!

4. I want the bridges fixed. Seriously, the flood was over a year ago. Let's get on that, city.

5. While we're at it, I want the pool that was destroyed rebuilt. Pronto. I've got another baby who would like to play at the pool this summer, so hurry.

6. I still want a pair of thigh high red patent leather platform boots. A girl can dream, right?

7. I want a tattoo. Well, three actually. Okay, fine. More than three. But there are three that I know I want for sure. I got money for a tattoo from my inlaws for Christmas last year (because clearly, they are the most kickass inlaws in the history of time, amiright?!?!), but then I ended up pregnant right after New Years and had to use the cash for maternity clothes, which aren't very much like a tattoo at all. Unless we're talking about new stretch marks...

8. I want to get back to writing my books. I've neglected them for a while, intentionally. The thing about the books I am working on is that they are tremendously draining, emotionally, to write. I didn't want to go there while I was pregnant for health reasons. Now that the baby is living on the outside, I could theoretically get back to it. Of course, he has to cooperate, and that hasn't happened yet. I keep telling myself the books will always be there, but he'll only be a newborn once. Sometimes I have to repeat it on an endless loop.

9. I want the Batman v. Superman movie to not suck. I especially want Gal Gadot to kick ass as Wonder Woman so that she can get her own movie.

10. I want a dancing Baby Groot. A real one.

11. I want a money tree to take root in my backyard immediately. The Oldest is such a joiner, and all the things he wants to do cost so damn much money.

12. I want the time and energy to repaint the main floor of my house. I have the paint. I just need a cooperative child (hahahaha) and the motivation.

13. I want my basement organized. It's seriously scary down there. I need a week, uninterrupted, and a dumpster. For the love.

14. I want this ring. It's actually pretty cheap. It has seven strands, like the now seven members of my family. It's silver, which I prefer, and the stones are CZs, which I actually prefer too. Diamonds are overrated, not to mention the whole conflict diamond issue. But yeah. This one.

Hey, while we're at it, you can buy it here....just don't pay full price. Wait for a sale or a good code. Size 7. Hint, hint.

15. I want a new crockpot. The lid for the smaller one that I've had since we got married has vanished. I have no idea how something that big can just disappear, but it has. Gone. Totally gone. Everyone in the house has looked for it. Weird. Someone knows what happened, and nobody is talking.

16. I want to sleep. Right now, that's really what I want. Just being honest.

17. I want a do-over on Little Asskicker's birth. I know that's not possible unless someone invents time travel, but there has to be someone working on a real life Tardis, right? I'd totally go back and change how that all went down. Grumble grumble.

18. I want to take a shower without having to play a game of 20 questions with at least one of my children.

19. I want world peace, an end to hunger, freedom for all, true equality and for Citizens United to be overturned. I want Ginsburg to stay on the Supreme Court forever, and I want her replaced with someone as feisty and left leaning as she is when she retires.

20. I want Daryl Dixon sitting under my Christmas tree with his motorcycle and crossbow. Claimed.

Oh, and just in case you think that the things on my list are crazy and ridiculous, they are...but they aren't nearly as unrealistic as I thought. There was this one thing I'd been secretly wishing for...

Sometimes wishes do come true. xo


  1. I love your list, it's absolutely, perfectly you.

    The ring is beautiful - and while I don't even wear jewelry at all, I am in agreement with you on the silver and CZ thing. I prefer both over gold and diamonds.

    While you wish for Batman V Superman to rock your world and a wonderful Wonder Woman to hit the big screen, I'll just be over here wishing for Suicide Squad to not suck and an uber awesome Harley Quinn - cause I want her to get her own movie, too. DC Girls got high hopes, mirite?

    1. They won't suck. They can't. They just can't. We said so.

    2. I just tried to "like" your comment. :D

      If Harley on the big screen doesn't live up to my Harley in the comics, I might die of a broken heart.

  2. All I want for Christmas is to be able to have enough money to get out of the damn apartment and travel for a few weeks. Alone, with hubs, or with a friend. Don't care. Just get me outta here!

  3. Ha! Love your list, I think it's great! And that ring is absolutely stunning!

    My wish list right now is so, well, right now. I want the house done and I want more money in our income and I want creativity to just flourish and also to know more people local, but good wholesome interesting people that aren't going to piss me of with their mundane-ness.

    Anyway, I hope you get at least done of what's on that list. :)


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