Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Things That Piss Me Off Tuesday - the all things Halloween edition (well, mostly all things...)

It's Halloween week, or basically the best week of the year. I've explained my deep and long standing love of this holiday before, mostly stemming from the fact that there isn't any emotional bullshit baggage that comes with it. Unlike most of the other major holidays, there are almost no expectations about Halloween. No dinners, no gifts, no you-have-to-be-here-at-this-times, none of that.

It's just fun.

Plus, every year I think that the kids are going to be done humoring their mother with the family themed costumes that we do. I am waiting for the rebellion, for them to refuse to go along with it, for them to stop agreeing on what we should be. I know that I am living on borrowed time with it all, and I'm enjoying every second we have left with them this way.

This year, we are the characters from Harry Potter.
Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall

Hermione and Hagrid



Anyway, since it is Halloween week and all, I'm in a pretty good mood. I love Halloween.

It's also Mr. Hive's birthday and I'm taking him out to lunch in a little while since his evening will be filled with a cub scout meeting and a school presentation. The joys of parenting.

What do you want for your birthday, Daddy???

I want to sit on the floor of the gym and watch squaredancing! (said no parent ever)

Now that I've written a very long winded intro, let's get to the things that are pissing me off this week. I'm only talking about the Halloween related stuff for a few reasons, not the least of which is that I haven't really watched or read the news in weeks. I know. I KNOW.

Off we go. Finally.

You know how NIMBY stands for not in my backyard and refers to people who don't want objectionable things to be done in their neighborhoods for whatever reason? Usually, it refers to zoning issues and where sewage treatment facilities and dumps are placed.

Well, there's a new thing now, and I'm calling it NIMFY. Not in my front yard. I like this acronym better because it sounds kinda dirty (I'm really a 14 year old boy, I tell you).

If you haven't heard about this story, I'm sure that you'll understand why it chaps my ass. Basically, some well-to-do woman wrote a note to Prudence whining about how she just can't stand it when poor kids trick or treat in her neighborhood. It's not her job to hand out welfare candy.

The funny part is that in her letter she clearly knows that she is just being an asshole, because "obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person."

Well, duh.

Because you are a terrible person.

Either buy candy and hand it out or don't. No one is forcing you to hand out candy. No one is burdening the poor downtrodden rich homeowners here. Jesus.

Stop for a hot second and think about the fact that the kids coming in to your neighborhood from other, less wealthy areas might actually be doing it because it's safe to go door to door in your neighborhood but isn't in theirs. Nah, in her head those kids are clearly just there for the full sized candy bars.

Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with people???

Scandalous Costumes
Hi. What I'm about to say will probably ruffle some feathers. Ready?

There is a time and place for sexy costumes. At adult parties. Or at the afterparty. (clears throat) There is a market for them, though it used to be that you had to go to an adult bookstore (ahem, you know...for the books) to find them. Now, the racks of the regular Halloween stores are full of costumes that barely cover anything and try to turn things that clearly aren't sexy into sexy costumes. It's almost comical.

Like the sexy Ebola nurse.

Too soon?


And sexy Ebola nurse? Really? Just no. LOL

I hear parents complain more and more every year about how hard it is to find appropriate costumes for their daughters, particularly the tween and teen ones. And it is true that the vast majority of the ready-to-buy costumes are questionable at best when it comes to whether they are appropriate or not.

Here's the thing, parents. You don't have to buy them. Just like the whiny rich lady no one is forcing to hand out candy, no one is forcing you to buy skirts that barely cover your daughter's ass. Just don't buy them. If you can't find a costume that you feel is age appropriate, then get creative. Make one. Hit thrift stores and put something together. Grab a cardboard box and some markers. Raid closets at home.

Tell the costume manufacturers that no one is going to buy this shit and you know what??? They'll stop making it.

Supply and demand, baby.

Hey, maybe your kid could dress up as an economics professor. Heh heh.

Seriously though, I get that looking for costumes sucks with tween girls especially, but as parents the best way we can fight this trend is with our wallets. Just don't buy them. Figure something else out.

Speaking of Inappropriate...
Don't dress your kid up as Ray Rice. I feel like this should be obvious, but apparently it isn't.

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