Friday, March 21, 2014

9 Loves

It is probably a good thing that I have this challenge to do right now. I'm all over the place emotionally and far more scatterbrained than my normal. 

Having said that, I'm still not sure how I am going to answer some of these questions....

Nine loves. This is actually one of the easier days on the list, I suppose. I'm totally going to use the unusually large size of my family as an advantage here.

1. Mr. Hive. It's been quite a ride, the years we have been together. Some good, some bad, some ugly....and when I say ugly, I really mean ugly. We've been through so much, some of which was designed to tear us apart, and we're still here today, making plans for the rest of our lives together. He is home to me.

He's also a bearded superhero who makes beer. That helps.

2. The Oldest. This kid. He makes me simultaneously crazy and proud. I'm certain that his head would float away if it wasn't actually attached to his body. He's goofy and strange, kind and gentle. He's a good kid. It doesn't seem possible that we'll be preparing to send him to high school next year. We just won't talk about that for a while, okay?

3. Freckles. She's getting taller every day right now, and she's trapped between being a child and being a teenager. Half the time she urges it forward, half the time she longs for the years past. She's grown up so much just in the past year. She makes me laugh, she makes me think, she makes me worry. She marches to her own drumbeat, and I wouldn't want her any other way.

4. Mini Me. She has enough energy for twelve people these days. She was born with a strong sense of fairness and equality, which often puts her at odds with the reality that she has older siblings. Life isn't always fair for her because of it, and explanations rarely suffice. She sings her way through life, when she isn't constantly doing handstands, that is. She's fiercely independent, but wants to know you're there...just in case.

5. Little Boy. The mouthbreather who came into my bed last night, then wedged his feet underneath me all night. At least one of us slept. He wants to be bigger than he is, but still somehow curl up in my lap. He is always happy, always moving, and still runs everywhere he goes. He makes me tired, he makes me cringe, he proves that he can do things he shouldn't be able to every single day and he always makes me laugh.

6. The Future. So, this is the part where I get to be vague a little. Things were so bad for so long that I wasn't sure at all what the future held. I am not any more sure now, because I know more than most that the future is impossible to predict, but for the first time in years, I'm looking forward to wherever it takes us.

7. This. Writing. It has saved my sanity more than once. It has helped me work through what has happened to me. It is the place I come to when the words need out of my head. It seems like anymore, I need to write before I can even say for sure what I am thinking, what I am feeling. This isn't just a word processor...this is my processor.

8. The rest of my family and my friends. I've learned a lot about myself, and more about other people these past few years. I've learned that those who will stick by you are worth keeping around, and all the ones who won't shouldn't have been there in the first place. I've learned that none of us can ever really understand what someone else's situation is, and that compassion and understanding is always a better course of action than assumptions and hurt feelings. In a lot of ways, I am closer to some of my family now than I have ever been. Irretrievably further from others, but I realize that none of that is within my control. With acceptance comes peace. 

9. You guys. Yep. You. There are times still that it seems strange to me that there are people out there, lots of people, who read the words that I write even though we have never met. It's a bit surreal. I'm so grateful that you are here. Reading. Listening. Sharing. Thank you. 

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