Saturday, March 22, 2014

8 Fears

Eight, huh? Seems like a lot to me.

I used to be afraid of losing my parents. I used to be afraid of the day that I would have to put a pet down. I used to be afraid of a lot of things.

Then a lot of them happened. It sucked, for sure, but I survived. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to come up with eight things that I am currently afraid of.

1. Losing one of my kids. I'm going to lump all possible harms that could ever befall them into this one because I could make a list of the specific things that I fear for them, and we'd be here all day. I hope that their personal tragedies are small and manageable. I hope that their setbacks are large enough to teach the lessons they need to learn, but not so big that they swallow up their dreams. I hope for health and happiness for them all.

2. The past repeating. It's strange, this place. Not wanting to deal again with something you never thought you would confront, but then did. I don't think I will ever be forced back to that place, and I hope with everything in me that I'm right.

3. The nightmares coming back. PTSD is a real asshole, you guys. I honestly think the worst part of it all was the fact that I couldn't even escape it in my sleep.

4. Losing my eyesight. I have issues, a lot of them, and I have weird fears about losing my eyesight. It probably stems from the fact that my vision is terrible without correction. I don't know. I told you guys I have issues.

5. Breaking my hands or feet. Totally irrational again here. I shudder at the thought of hurting my hands or feet. I've broken a toe and it was pretty awful, you guys. I don't know why that freaks me out more than injuring other parts of my body, but it does.  Always has.

6. Eels. I know. I live in the middle of the country. I wanted to be a marine biologist. I love everything about the ocean. Everything except eels. They freak me right out. I don't know why, but they are so creepy that I can't even look at them in the tanks at aquariums.

7. Every assorted health condition that could happen to me or the people I love. I don't fear much in this world, at least not when it comes from some outside source of possible harm. Cancer scares me. Other diseases that have taken people I love scare me.

8. Not being able to write anymore.

1 comment:

  1. It's so interesting how our fears change over time. It's also amazing how we survive and even thrive after something we fear happens. Something we thought, before it happened, would completely break us.

    Eels...they scare the crap out of me too.


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