I hope that you enjoy this series, I hope you find some new writers to follow, I hope this helps them out and I hope we can all learn something from them.
This piece comes from a good friend of mine, and someone who is brave enough to spend a week at a time in the forest with my son and husband as a Scout leader. Anyone who'd sign up for a week with pubescent boys who don't shower deserves a medal in my opinion.
Interestingly, we grew up not very far from one another, then both moved out here to meet one night while we were both
Without further adieu, I give you Tanjia
My Life is NOT a John Hughes Film
For those of you that are a certain age you might know the name right off the top of your head. But for those of you who might be scratching your head wondering...he is the genius behind such great 80's movies as Weird Science, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, Breakfast Club....just to name a few.
There is a beautiful simplicity to 80's movies that I do enjoy. Basically in a nutshell there is some teenage angst, some hijinks and then an easy resolution that makes the main characters happy.
Yeah and my life is nothing like that....hijinks aside, there have been very few easy resolutions in my life.
Now if you look further into the movies, you see the fragility of the characters. The inner turmoil. Most of the characters just want to be seen and appreciated for who they are.
I think most of us could relate to this. I know I can.
God I cannot tell you how many years I waited to be seen by my EX. All of the things I did to get him to see me and to acknowledge my needs.
Unlike a John Hughes film, he didn't come to a radical moment of clarity upon he simply "got it". It just never happened. So what was the resolution? Divorce.
And it isn't easy, but then neither was being invisible emotionally in my marriage. It is a horrible feeling, being invisible. And one that can not only destroy the confidence that you have in yourself, it can also destroy pieces of your heart and soul.
Now though, it seems to have created a new life issue. I spent so much time being invisible that now I sometimes seem to go in the opposite direction.
Now I find myself being a bit neurotic about the most benign crap you can imagine. Like if the toilets are cleaned. How soon the kitchen is cleaned. What shampoo I use and if the boys have on clean socks.
I get that this new-found neurosis is my mind trying to make sense out of the shenanigans that is my current life. It goes deeper as well. Like who sees me cry and how much I laugh. Who I let into my world and whom I trust. Because after being invisible for so long, the other tragic victim is the ability to trust.
Most especially yourself.
Talk about bad habits. This isn't an easy way to live. To be so guarded that what you put out to the world is so superficial as to be worthless in creating real relationships in your life.
I push many people away as I try to find new normal. As I work with my trust issues and work about not feeling invisible.
I don't have a brilliant writer to help shape a better plot twist.
So I guess as the writer/director of this crazy thing called my life, I get to be in the driver's seat of the shenanigans. So maybe I have something I can do about it.
Of course being bat shit crazy is always an option. bwaaa haaa haaa
But maybe I just need to keep working on that faith and the hope that my new normal is just around the corner. That I will get a handle on my trust issues and learn to live easy again.
And maybe, just maybe one day, I will get that awesome moment of a dramatic, romantic music scene or a fist pump, just like the movies.
Yeah...I just might.