Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Santa, Baby...the list of things I desire, 2013 style

It is time.

The annual Christmas list.

I do this every year.

Because I am 5.

I don't actually sit on Santa's lap anymore. Well, not the cheesy mall Santa, anyway.

If you're interested to know what I've asked for in the past, here are the lists from prior years.


I will premise this with the following: many of these are totally unrealistic fantasy things. I know that. But I'm 5. AND I WANT THEM.

1. I want my van cleaned. Like every nook and cranny. Occasionally it smells like something died in there, which is not necessarily an improvement when compared with the shoes the tweens leave in there accidentally at times.

2. I want people to be nicer. If you wouldn't have the balls to say something to my face, don't say it online. That goes for the people I know in real life and all the ones I don't actually know. (it's been a long week)

3. I want to not feel like a failure when it comes to my kids. We all have issues, some of us more than others. In the process of dealing with those issues, I really don't want to create new ones. I'm trying. Honest.

4. I want a glitter cannon. A real one. Of course, it would have to come with someone who has to clean up every single speck of glitter because you know that that shit gets everywhere.

5. I want the greenway along the river fixed. I want the parks rebuilt. I know it will all get fixed eventually, but I'm impatient.

6. I want people in my house to clean up after themselves. (pipe dream, I know)

7. I want three additional hours each night after the kids go to bed so that I can go on Netflix benders and catch up on all the shows I need to watch.

8. I want a new tattoo. Three actually. Maybe more. I know that it's going to take a while to get them all, and I know that they will make me want more and more and more. I know this.

9. I want more corsets. Because boobs.

10. I want phone chargers that actually charge my phone. If they could do it faster, that would be awesome. I can never find a charger when I need one. Ever.

11. Speaking of phones, I want a phone that isn't a moody bitch. My current phone needs to be pressed up against my body at all times. It doesn't like to be cold, so it lives in my bra. Not because I want to store it there, though it is a good place to hold things...but because it literally will not work unless I keep it body temp at all times.

12. I want a cat that I'm not allergic to, that isn't an asshole, that doesn't insist on escaping from the house and doesn't bring me dead things. Even though George was all of those things, I miss that little jerkoff.

13. I want thigh high red patent leather custom made boots to go with my Wonder Woman Costume. Strike that. I need them.

14. I want a giant box of camera accessories that I can't afford.

15. I still want that totally irrational thing that I wished for last year and that hasn't happened.

16. I want to get one of my books finished and published in the next year. For reals.

17. I want to meet some of my blogger friends.

18. I want to tell my Mom that I've been hanging on to something she ordered for the kids, and that I'm giving it to them for Christmas this year just like she held on to something for me from my Pap the year he died. I hope that they will cherish it the way I have.

19. I want world peace, an end to hunger and illness and all the other things responsible adults are supposed to wish for.

20. I  want a brand new crossbow with Daryl Dixon attached to it sitting under my tree.

C'mon, Santa. I've been a good girl. ;)


  1. Some of those are possible. How far are you from Denver?

  2. I want #16, too. Obviously for myself, but for YOU because I want to read a book by you. And then have it signed by you when we meet. See? There's two.


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