Monday, December 16, 2013

30 Days of Truth, Day 29 ~ What Is Something You Hope To Change About Yourself and Why?

This is just proving my hypothesis....that there was no way that any of my answers in this challenge were going to be the same that they were three years ago.

This one couldn't be more different if I tried.

The first time I responded to this prompt, I talked very abruptly about how I didn't see the need to change anything about myself, that I was pretty fantastic and that I didn't even have time to dedicate to self improvement anyway.

Oh, how times have changed.


Day 29 ~ What is something you hope to change about yourself and why?

How much time do you have?

No, really.

I am still fairly fantastic the way I am now, as I was then. In fact, I would probably make the argument that I am more fantastic now than I was then.

What? This post isn't about me feigning humbleness. Wink, wink.

Anyhow.

There is plenty of stuff that I would like to change about myself now, and at the top of that list is that I would like to recover from PTSD. Completely.  Why?

I want to live the rest of my life without living in fear of the next trigger.

I want to be able to respond to reminders with a quiet reflection instead of a panic attack.

I want to be able to go to sleep without assuming that I'll be awoken in a few hours by some horrible nightmare.

I want to be able to exist in this place that I live, go to the places I need to go, enjoy all the things I used to, without scanning the crowd first.

I want to be able to remember things from the past without ending up in the bottom of the hole. I want to look at pictures without cringing.

I want all these things, and I'm trying...really trying to get there.

The trip is going to suck, but it'll be worth it.

1 comment:

  1. You will recover from PTSD. I am not going to insult you by saying that I have any idea what you are going through. Just take your time and do not push yourself. Surround yourself with loved ones and friends who are optimistic, supportive and positive. Eventually the PTSD will run its course. In the meantime do the best you can each and every day. Realize that everyone who cares about you want you to recover. In other words you are not alone trying to deal with PTSD because there are loved ones and friends who will be there for you.

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