This challenge doesn't get easier, you guys.
The last time I answered this one, I wrote about a dear friend from college. We've since reconnected, though still not as often as I would prefer. One of these days, I WILL get out to see her and her new baby girl. Distance is such a jerk, sometimes.
Like everything else it seems, the answer to this one will be different this time, and not because I ever wanted it to be.
Day 9 ~ Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted
I could take the easy way out with this one, come up with someone or something else aside from what is actually on my mind. But I won't because I am forcing myself to do this the right way this time, no matter how hard it is.
The person that comes to mind immediately isn't someone that I just drifted away from, though. It was a conscious choice. A heartbreaking one. Probably the single hardest thing I ever had to do.
It hasn't come without consequences for me. I've been vilified by many, misunderstood by more. I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but there are a great many untold stories in my life, and one of them revolves around this person.
In the last few weeks of my father's life, he asked me and asked me and asked me, pleaded with me with tears in his eyes to take care of her. I tried. Oh, how I tried. I want with everything in me to believe that I didn't fail him, that I didn't fail her.
I'm not convinced.
It didn't work. She wanted to destroy her life, and there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop her. We tried. We all tried.
She pushed us away, then reeled us back in. Over and over and over.
It was eating me alive, this game of manipulation and lies, the things hidden, the words said to other people to turn them against me. I could have handled it if it was just my sanity, my heart on the line. I can take it. I could take it. My ability to put my head down when I have to and do what needs to be done has been tested several times. I could take it.
My kids couldn't.
They were being thrown into the middle of it all. They were being manipulated. They were put in danger, usually emotional, but sometimes very real physical danger.
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't let it happen anymore.
I had to protect them, even if it was from her.
Trust me when I tell you that if you've never been put in that position before, you never want to be there. You never want to spend hours on the phone with the police and the district attorney and social workers. You never want to have your hand forced to the point where you tell the school not to release your children to your own mother.
I had to do that.
I didn't want to.
I wish, oh how I wish that things could have been different.
I loved her. I miss her. But I had to let her go, even if no one understands.
In fact, I wish no one ever had to understand.
I'll carry this burden because I have to. I hope you never do.
Some of My Most Popular Posts
Philip Seymour Hoffman died yesterday. He was found with a needle still wedged into his arm, heroin believed to be the culprit. When I h...
I briefly thought I was maybe, possibly, probably, most definitely going to die yesterday. Twice. Fine. I'm being a bit dramatic, bu...
I haven't written this yet, but it's not officially your birthday yet, right? You weren't born until the afternoon, so technical...
I warned a friend months ago that I felt like 2017 would be the year I start biting people. Months ago. I haven't actually bitten an...
The internet is quite literally full of articles about the right way and the wrong way to be a feminist right now, especially after this wee...
The following is a post I wrote on Saturday morning. I was sitting in a college classroom on the other side of the state, there for Science...
I was standing in the hallway tonight, urging my toddler to fall asleep in his bed, awaiting his recurrent footsteps towards doorway when so...
This is my eighth annual Christmas list. Which is crazy. There's simply no way I have been doing this for that long. If you're so in...
My one year old has recently developed fairly severe eczema, maybe even worse than his older sister had at his age. This is the worst part o...
FOR THE LOVE PEOPLE. I haven't written one of these in a while, so brace yourselves. It's Not About The Emails... I was a Be...