Monday, November 18, 2013

30 Days of Truth, Day 7 ~ Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living

Oh, this challenge.

It's a tough one, for sure.

The last time I did it, I wrote about my husband. Things were different then. They're different now.

Day 7 ~ Someone who has made your life worth living

What I am writing as my answer this time shouldn't come as a surprise, not to anyone that has children anyway. My kids are the center of my universe, they are why I do almost everything that I do.

With that responsibility, though, comes more.

It means that I've had to do things that I may not have done otherwise, things that I didn't want to do, things that I was forced to do, things I wouldn't allow myself to fail at.

I have to protect them, sometimes from each other, sometimes from family members.

I had to protect them from my own mother because I couldn't be a good daughter and a good mother at the same time. I couldn't justify exposing them to the things that they were seeing, the events and choices that happened, the manipulation and abuse. I couldn't. It was already damaging them and that damage is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis now. Something that I hope they don't have to deal with forever.

I had to choose. I could do the best I could for her and make everything worse for them, knowing that what I could do for her would never be enough and that it would eat at me every day...or I could choose to do what I had to do to protect them.

I had to. I didn't want to.

I had to because my job as a mother was more important.

I've been reminded of that a lot lately.

I had to stay and fight for my marriage, not for myself, but because this is the only set of parents my children have. They made me stay and fight.  As I've said in the past many times, you get to a point where marriage isn't about love, because love isn't enough. It's work. Hard, awful work and it's the kind of work that needs motivation. Sometimes it needs a lot of motivation.

They are my motivation.

They are my world.

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