Wednesday, November 13, 2013

30 Days of Truth, Day 3 ~ Something You Need To Forgive Yourself For

Oh lord.

I should have known that this little mental exercise was going to kick my ass a bit. The last time I did it, I wrote about one of the most terrible, awful things I have ever done.



Day 3 ~ Something you need to forgive yourself for

I've been in therapy for months working on this one.

A lot of stuff has happened since the last time I did this, the vast majority of which I was dragged along for without having a say in it. I beat myself up for things that weren't my fault for a very long time. I've learned to stop doing that.

Mostly.

Right now, I'm struggling with the fact that one of my children is so much like me. Too much like me. I kick myself all the time for giving her this particular genetic makeup, that she had to be the recipient of this specific combination of genes.

Intellectually, I know that it's stupid, this blaming and fault and guilt. I know that there was nothing I could have done. I know that it's just playing genetic odds. I know that I am the best equipped person to help someone who is as similar to me as she is. I know that, with time, she will become more able to tolerate this way that she sees the world.

I know all these things in my head.

My heart still aches.

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl, I am right there with you. My daughter is a mini-me. Which could mean she and I are both in for a really bumpy ride. I like what you said about being the best equipped person to deal with someone so similar to you. I never thought of it that way.

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