Wednesday, November 13, 2013

30 Days of Truth, Day 3 ~ Something You Need To Forgive Yourself For

Oh lord.

I should have known that this little mental exercise was going to kick my ass a bit. The last time I did it, I wrote about one of the most terrible, awful things I have ever done.

Day 3 ~ Something you need to forgive yourself for

I've been in therapy for months working on this one.

A lot of stuff has happened since the last time I did this, the vast majority of which I was dragged along for without having a say in it. I beat myself up for things that weren't my fault for a very long time. I've learned to stop doing that.


Right now, I'm struggling with the fact that one of my children is so much like me. Too much like me. I kick myself all the time for giving her this particular genetic makeup, that she had to be the recipient of this specific combination of genes.

Intellectually, I know that it's stupid, this blaming and fault and guilt. I know that there was nothing I could have done. I know that it's just playing genetic odds. I know that I am the best equipped person to help someone who is as similar to me as she is. I know that, with time, she will become more able to tolerate this way that she sees the world.

I know all these things in my head.

My heart still aches.

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl, I am right there with you. My daughter is a mini-me. Which could mean she and I are both in for a really bumpy ride. I like what you said about being the best equipped person to deal with someone so similar to you. I never thought of it that way.


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