Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Mental Health Awareness - Anxiety and Depression, a guest post

This was shared with my by a very brave woman named Carla. She asked if she could tell her story so that others out there wouldn't feel alone. With love and respect, her words.

It really starts with my parents divorce when I was 17. I began to feel anxious and depressed then, but was ashamed to say anything to anyone. It wasn't until I was about to get married, nearly three years later, that I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Since that time, I've been on and off medication. I was always very ashamed about having to take meds for it, therefore when I started "feeling better", I often stopped taking them.

Then the whole cycle would begin again. It was very hard to find something to fit all of my symptoms. So I began feeling like I could handle it myself. It wasn't until I had my second miscarriage that I finally got the courage to talk to my doctor about it again. By then I was 27. 

Since then, I've been on several different medications, but only two have really worked well. This summer I was on one, and it in particular gives a "black box warning" of signs to watch for. I took it for only two weeks, and I can tell you I never want to feel that way again in my life. 

I called people and had conversations with them that I don't remember having, and was inconsolable even by my own husband over something I had no control over. He can always redirect me, and calm me, but he couldn't then. It was two of the scariest days of my life, because it was like I couldn't stop myself, and had no control over my behavior. 

I can always tell when I'm getting more anxious, because I have a really hard time concentrating. My skin feels like it is crawling almost. Going out in public, to Walmart or the grocery store, is an ordeal. I have to make myself get up out of my recliner. It may take me a couple of hours to get to the point where I'm mentally ready to go. I'm an avid reader, but when I am dealing with increased anxiety it's hard for me to even focus on a book or tv show. 

If I am really honest, I don't even feel like talking to anyone besides a couple people while going through this. I've often thought I'm pretty good at "faking it". There's not more than a handful of people who can tell when anything is really wrong with me, I think. It's because I have gotten so good at putting on a mask.

I've currently taking different medication, and it works great. I can function, and even though I still have periods of ups and downs, it's no longer a living nightmare. Bottom line? Anxiety sucks, but I refuse to let it rule my life. 

1 comment:

  1. I feel like I am meeting kindred spirits in the blog world. I was discussing how my anxiety made me feel like my nerve endings were in full overdrive with my husband yesterday. Thank you so much for sharing.


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