Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Mental Health Awareness - Anxiety and Depression, a guest post

This was shared with my by a very brave woman named Carla. She asked if she could tell her story so that others out there wouldn't feel alone. With love and respect, her words.
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It really starts with my parents divorce when I was 17. I began to feel anxious and depressed then, but was ashamed to say anything to anyone. It wasn't until I was about to get married, nearly three years later, that I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Since that time, I've been on and off medication. I was always very ashamed about having to take meds for it, therefore when I started "feeling better", I often stopped taking them.

Then the whole cycle would begin again. It was very hard to find something to fit all of my symptoms. So I began feeling like I could handle it myself. It wasn't until I had my second miscarriage that I finally got the courage to talk to my doctor about it again. By then I was 27. 

Since then, I've been on several different medications, but only two have really worked well. This summer I was on one, and it in particular gives a "black box warning" of signs to watch for. I took it for only two weeks, and I can tell you I never want to feel that way again in my life. 

I called people and had conversations with them that I don't remember having, and was inconsolable even by my own husband over something I had no control over. He can always redirect me, and calm me, but he couldn't then. It was two of the scariest days of my life, because it was like I couldn't stop myself, and had no control over my behavior. 

I can always tell when I'm getting more anxious, because I have a really hard time concentrating. My skin feels like it is crawling almost. Going out in public, to Walmart or the grocery store, is an ordeal. I have to make myself get up out of my recliner. It may take me a couple of hours to get to the point where I'm mentally ready to go. I'm an avid reader, but when I am dealing with increased anxiety it's hard for me to even focus on a book or tv show. 

If I am really honest, I don't even feel like talking to anyone besides a couple people while going through this. I've often thought I'm pretty good at "faking it". There's not more than a handful of people who can tell when anything is really wrong with me, I think. It's because I have gotten so good at putting on a mask.

I've currently taking different medication, and it works great. I can function, and even though I still have periods of ups and downs, it's no longer a living nightmare. Bottom line? Anxiety sucks, but I refuse to let it rule my life. 

1 comment:

  1. I feel like I am meeting kindred spirits in the blog world. I was discussing how my anxiety made me feel like my nerve endings were in full overdrive with my husband yesterday. Thank you so much for sharing.

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