Sunday, July 7, 2013

So this is what healing looks like....

I went into the weekend with a fair amount of anxiety, unsure of what to really expect, unsure of how I would cope with it all.

I did good.

I know that it might not seem like a big deal, but the fact that I haven't collapsed into a heap yet is a sign of progress. A huge sign.

I've had my moments, sure, but they haven't overwhelmed me. I don't feel like I'm being suffocated by it anymore.

I stopped trying to find reason in things that made no sense.

I stopped laboring under the illusion that I could control anything beyond me.

I stopped beating myself up for things I didn't do.

I stopped wishing things were different.

I stopped being so afraid.

I just stopped.

And you know what???

I'm happy.

For the first time in a long time.

That long tunnel that seemed to go on forever really did have a light at the end of it, and I see it now that I've made it out the other side.

Do I wish that I hadn't been forced through it? Of course, in many ways I do wish that...but I see now the growth that is genuine and only could have come through this hell I've lived.

I didn't just get through it, I fought my way to the other side. I'm stronger now. I'm smarter. I've seen things, I've felt things, I've lived so much life in such a short period of time, and I carry now all the knowledge that only experience can teach us.

I'm actually excited for the future, for the first time in a long time.

I approach whatever awaits me with caution, but without fear now.

I'm finally free.


  1. My mother passed away 2 and a half years ago - sometimes the guilt is oppressive. Then I remember what a good and happy life she had and that she would not want me to feel guilty about all of the things I think I should have done differently. I did the best I could, That's all you can do. That's all you can do.

  2. So much hope here. I am teary eyed and smiling at the same time.

  3. I don't know what you have been through, but I am so happy you have hope. When that is gone, the emptiness is crushing. I'm so glad you feel free.

  4. It' so hard to find peace and adjust your attitude when you've been through something hard. I'm still trying to find my peace. Every day it's a struggle. Hugs and more hugs to you.

  5. I am happy for you. I hope you continue to feel peace and increasing freedom from the wrongs of the past. (((HUGS)))


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