I went into the weekend with a fair amount of anxiety, unsure of what to really expect, unsure of how I would cope with it all.
I did good.
I know that it might not seem like a big deal, but the fact that I haven't collapsed into a heap yet is a sign of progress. A huge sign.
I've had my moments, sure, but they haven't overwhelmed me. I don't feel like I'm being suffocated by it anymore.
I stopped trying to find reason in things that made no sense.
I stopped laboring under the illusion that I could control anything beyond me.
I stopped beating myself up for things I didn't do.
I stopped wishing things were different.
I stopped being so afraid.
I just stopped.
And you know what???
For the first time in a long time.
That long tunnel that seemed to go on forever really did have a light at the end of it, and I see it now that I've made it out the other side.
Do I wish that I hadn't been forced through it? Of course, in many ways I do wish that...but I see now the growth that is genuine and only could have come through this hell I've lived.
I didn't just get through it, I fought my way to the other side. I'm stronger now. I'm smarter. I've seen things, I've felt things, I've lived so much life in such a short period of time, and I carry now all the knowledge that only experience can teach us.
I'm actually excited for the future, for the first time in a long time.
I approach whatever awaits me with caution, but without fear now.
I'm finally free.
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