Instead of all that stuff, I'm going to write about the lessons we learned from the Grammy Awards last night.
1. Justin Timberlake still has it. I mean, I knew all along, but there were naysayers. To them, I say pish posh. He can pull off 40's b&w sexy and may single-handedly encourage men to dress up again...which is something I could get behind. Here's looking at you, kid.
2. Katy Perry has the most perfect boobs. The thing that mystifies me about a dress like the one she pulled off last night is this, and forgive me for being the queen of TMI...but where the hell are her nipples? Does she just not have any? Magical. Also, she didn't need to smile because we all know that no one was looking at her face.
3. Chris Brown is still a douche, but Rihanna can't stay away. The wonderful Mr. Brown thought it appropriate to be the only one not giving Frank Ocean an standing ovation, and you know they put those two close to each other in the audience for drama. I don't understand Rihanna....she's gorgeous, she proved last night that she can actually sing better than she's ever been given credit for, and she's wildly famous. What the hell is she doing back with this abusive ass? There are other fish in the sea, RhiRhi...and most of them don't have douchey neck tattoos.
4. Taylor Swift still can't sing live, still needs to stand up straight, and still needs to tone her OHMYGOSHYOUGUYS act down. We get it, Taylor. You've been famous for years now. Stop acting surprised. You're tall, own it. Work it. Most of us would kill for legs like that. Seriously.
5. Miguel is bringing back the slow jams of the early 90s and I could kiss him for it. Think Jodeci. Johnny Gil. Think Ginuwine. The music that just makes you want to hump a wall. That. All good things.
6. Prince is one fine ass tiny man. He has to be the highest maintenance star in the universe, but maaaaaaan can he still work it. Now, put on your man heels and dance sexy for me. Bring the big stick.
7. Speaking of tiny sexy men, Bruno Mars sang the song that I'm pretty sure I could listen to 3.7 million times before I get tired of it. Then Sting came out. Then Rihanna and the Marleys and all was right with the world.
8. That time that I blew my kids' minds, and my husband's when I told them all that Will.I.Am. is a play on his actual name. That if you take out the periods, his name is William. Minds.Blown. He wasn't even at the Grammys, but this came up. Oh, and play the version with bitch in it please, radio censors of America. We'll ignore Britney's fake British accent for now.
I flipping love music. I'm still coming down off my high from last night.