There will be more islands, I said.
Here, in no particular order...
My Movie Island
Pick the 5 movies you'd take with you assuming you could never ever watch any other movie again. Choose wisely.
1) The Hangover - I've watched it a million times, and still laugh my ass off. I still can't figure out the chicken. Does anyone know why the chicken is there???
2) American Beauty - My all time favorite movie. I may kick myself for bringing this one along later, but I've got four other ones to amuse me too.
3) Pulp Fiction - Because Quentin Tarantino is a bad ass mofo. I could watch the Uma/Travolta dance scene until the end of the world, and loves me some Samuel L. Jackson.
4) Steel Magnolias - Just shut up. It's coming. I love this movie in an unnatural way. Makes me cry every.damn.time.
5) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - my marathon watching of this in the last month proves my undying affection for this fine film. Shitter's full!
My Band Island
Same deal as the movies. The 5 bands/performers you'd cast away if you could never listen to anyone else again. (Ignore the other musicians that made my other islands....they're already in the archipelago)
1) Flogging Molly - Because I'm Irish and they make me happy. Plus, they are bringing the beer.
2) P!nk - She's gorgeous, she's a true performer, and she's more pissed off than I usually am. I heart her.
3) The Doors - Imma bring Jim Morrison and his hot ass back from the dead. He will not be allowed to bring shirts, and will sing only to me.
4) Sting - Love me some Gordon Sumner. I don't care if he's an egotistical ass, he is freaking Sting.
5) Flo-Rida - As much as I disapprove of my daughters singing the lyrics to most of his songs, they are damn catchy. I would like to dance on my island. I will not be blowing his whistle, however.
My Cartoon Island
1) JEM - She is truly outrageous.
2) Animaniacs - The show that taught me that most cartoons are really written for adults with inappropriate senses of humor, cleverly disguised as shows for kids.
3) She-Ra - She's a fucking badass.
4) Pinky and the Brain - Are you pondering what I'm pondering? You should be.
5) Beavis and Butthead - Well, just because. So what if I've already seen every episode three times?
My Author Island
1) Ernest Hemingway - Because he's the best.
2) Edgar Allen Poe - Someone has to bring the drugs.
3) Jane Austen - So that I can feel longing for some other life all the time.
4) Tolkien - If we're going to be on this island forever, I need someone who can drag out a story in a way no one else can with unnecessary ten page long descriptions of the color of the sky and shit.
5) James Frey - Bet you weren't expecting that, were ya? I want to sit down with this guy and pick his brain, primarily because I'm so bad at writing fiction that it always comes out more like an inflated memoir. I loved the book, and am convinced that this psuedo-fiction niche needs to exist.
My dinner conversation island
1) Stephen Hawking - Seriously, the dude is a genius. He probably could answer any question you asked him.
2) James Lipton - He has the dirt on all the famous people and could entertain me for a long time.
3) Bill Clinton - I just get the distinct sense that he'd be an awesome guy to have a few drinks with.
4) Ghandi - I can't promise he'd actually eat at this dinner, but I'd love to hear him talk about peaceful resistance.
5) Mary Magdalene - You know there's really only one question that I have for her.
My "people I want to force to play Survivor against each other for real" island
One island, no weapons, who survives? I'm betting Genghis Khan kicks everyone's ass.
3) Genghis Khan
4) Kim Jong Il
5) Saddam Hussein
My Banishment Island
1) Gwenyth Paltrow - Ohmygosh you guys, she is just so perfect. I've had it with her preaching to the rest of the world about how we're all doing it wrong. I get it, she's the best woman, wife, actress, mother...at least in her own eyes. Go away.
2) Sarah Palin - I bet she can see Russia from there.
3) Ann Coulter - I want to see her rip Palin to shreds. It might never happen, but at least she'd be gone from this world.
4) Justin Bieber - To make it worse, I'd like to take away his tank tops and girly necklaces first, give him pants that fit and shave his head. Bon Voyage, Biebs!
5) Those who shall not be named, my real life Voldemorts. So what if there are two of them, they are basically the same evil beast? GTFO
Some of My Most Popular Posts
Why do our feelings make other people so uncomfortable? Why can't other people just respect that we are entitled to feel however we fe...
Philip Seymour Hoffman died yesterday. He was found with a needle still wedged into his arm, heroin believed to be the culprit. When I h...
One of the most amazing things about doing what I do here is that other people trust me enough to tell their stories. It's easily one ...
It's one of those no-holds barred weeks around here. I'm telling people how I really feel, so you might want to duck. Just kidding...
Close Your Eyes and Write - Starry Knight Word Slayers (of awesomeness) (okay, I added that last part)Oh, you guys. I love the woman who is writing for you all today so much. So, so, so much. You don't even know. Not only is she ...
For what seems like forever, I've tended to be the first one in my group of friends to hit all the major milestones in life. Ironic, c...
In the world of the internet, topics run in cycles. One week, everyone and their brother is writing about bullying, the next week it's g...
I am working on writing this parenting book, and this is one of the topics that people have asked me to write about the most frequently. I...
Hey look! It's Tuesday and I'm actually writing this on the correct day! Don't get used to this, people. I'm not so reliable...
I'm actually going to do it, you guys. I'm actually going to write this book. I spent quite a while outlining it yesterday a...