Thursday, January 31, 2013

Friendship, A Guest Post from The Mommy Ref

Guest posting here at the Hive today is a dear friend of mine.  I may have dragged her kicking and screaming into this blogging world, it's true.  She asked me to do a guest post for her, and I demanded one in return because the whole point of my evil plan is to get her writing more.  This arrived in my inbox today, and she hit it out of the park.  Just like I knew she could.  

Without further adieu, one of the people who knows more about me than anyone in the entire universe, The Mommy Ref.

Miss Queen B asked me to return the favor and guest post over here today. I think she was drunk because she is like a celebrity and I am just a groupie so I am not sure this will boost her sales in internet hits today. 

However, if you read her guest post on my blog, then you know that this lady and I are more than bloggers harassing one another. We harass each other in real life. We also support each other. We cry, we scream, we are there for each other because that is what we do. Even if she talks about spandex more than any human should and wishes for unicorn farts…. It was only fitting that I write about Friendship.

A few nights ago, I was talking to a dear friend of mine. We have known each other for more years than I care to say for fear of feeling old. We met in 9th grade. I still remember the party and all the stupid people there….good ones too. That is where we connected the first time. 

We were not “close” in high school. We had similar friends but different schedules. I hung out with a mix of people and played basketball. She had some similar friends but was not in my “sports” world. As high school ended, so did our connection until one awesome day when we reunited on Facebook. I say Facebook sucks a lot, but I truly am thankful more than not as I have been reunited with my dear friend. 

We found each other at a time when I needed someone the most. My marriage was rocky; I felt as though I was not cut out for this parenting gig…but was two kids into it. I was dealing with a lot of strong issues just in time to find out I was pregnant with #3. I about lost it….but she didn’t judge, she was there. Anytime I needed her, she was there. Good thing she didn’t charge…I would be broke.

I found myself thinking of the other significant friendships that I have had throughout my life. Just yesterday I ran into a woman that I have known since I was 3. Yes, 3! We have known each other almost all our life yet since high school we never connect other than by chance. The funny thing is, when we see each other it is if we have been hanging out all the time. There is just a connection. I can’t explain it. We can go from being incredibly estranged to close and connected in minutes.

That seems to be my life pattern, though. The people I have known for years come and go often only reconnected because of social media. I wonder if “I” am the reason I don’t have any friends that stick it out. My husband and his BFF are in contact daily. They were in each other’s weddings. They have a bond. Yet for me, the friendship fades, or changes or…. do I?

Until recently, I really never thought about it. Maybe it is me getting older and all soft. The hard truth is that when friendships are lost it is often viewed as a personal failure, sometimes it is even embarrassing to some. This is where I believe we begin to judge ourselves too hard on our ability to make and maintain friends. I found this quote and it put things into a new light for me:

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly 
not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting 
that a new world is born." ~ Anais Nin

I look at all the people I have come across regardless of the amount of time I had them in my life and I can see what they brought to me. Some brought great memories and others brought great sadness, but both brought opportunities for me to learn more about myself. Each and every person I have crossed paths with and have been able to call a “friend”, even for a short time has molded me to who I am today. I sincerely hope I have done the same for them.

This is the essential key.

It is about me. It is about me being okay with me. We all connect for various reasons. Embrace the time spent and grow with it. Don’t take it personally if and when it ends, just take what you have learned from your interactions.

“If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from 
others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot 
touch others.” -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Friendships will come and go. Life leads people in a new direction at times. The reality is sometimes we just outgrow our friends. It doesn’t have to be because of something we did or they did. It may simply be because we are needed elsewhere and so are they.

Don’t forget the friends you keep around for pure entertainment value. You all have one and know what I am talking about. That, however, is a topic for another time.


  1. My fingernails still hurt from you dragging. Thank you for pushing me here! ! Xo

  2. Agree! I haave a few friends from high school that I don't see much but when I do, its like we were never apart! One friend I have also known since we were 3! We lived across the street from each other and when she moved a few years later, my mom would bring me to her house on weekends...we do not see each other but we do connect thru FaceBook. I have one friend I am in constant contact with and I don't see her as much as we both would like. We have been friends since we were 11 & 12 yrs old. We usually will get lunch every 2 weeks or so but we do talk almost every day...
    I believe we all grow into much different people then we were as kids and we all have much different needs as adults. We all have families to care for and husbands and wives to spend time with... Its not often that I get "girls night" or "friends only" day, but when I do, I love catching up with them!

  3. I have such a strong connect to this post. As if the words have been yanked for my own mouth and heart. So glad Kelly dragged you here kicking and screaming.


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