...and it's been three days since my last post.
In fact, and I'm not even kidding, I didn't even turn on the computer for a 24 hour span over the weekend.
I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?!
The world did not end. Which is shocking.
You guys missed a lot, so I'm going to have to give you the quick and dirty version.
1) We bought a tree. A real one. It's big and beautiful and magnificent. It's also too big and beautiful and magnificent for the spot it's in, and I need to rearrange the entire living room to move it. I'm also allergic to it, and have been sneezing approximately every 5 minutes since it arrived. Achoo. F-ing Christmas.
2) That tree I just talked about....we have it. And it's the in the house. But it's not decorated. The lights are not even on it. We haven't had time. Honest. WHAT??? We have a tree....isn't that good enough??? It's in the building. That should count for something.
3) I have to put the lights on the tree. Because that is the law. I'm the light installer. I'm way too OCD to let someone else attempt it. Just get me the stool and stay out of my damn way.
4) I ordered Christmas cards. Alert the media. I swore them off last year. And yet here we are, with a pending order of ridiculous adorableness. Actually, the cards were my husband's idea this year...he even started planning out the pictures 6 months ago. I wish I was kidding. If you want a preview, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the blog. I'm a sucker for a free code from Shutterfly, and if I posted it here, I get one. So, go peek after you read this.
5) We went to the art museum Saturday with all the kids. Which mostly meant that I said don't touch anything a million times and my daughters giggled at naked man statues. That, and we saw a lady wearing a sweater dress three sizes too small, with a low slung belt that hung below her ample pooch. AND she was wearing shooties. You know, boots that think they are shoes. My husband glanced over at me with the you're seeing what I'm seeing, right??? look. Her poor children.
6) I went to church. No one died or got married. Just regular church. The building didn't fall down. Nothing burst into flames and no one got struck by lightning.
7) We went to an adult-only party Saturday night. Soon after we arrived, the women folk polished off the Godiva liqueur and we sent the men to the liquor store. True story....three guys walk into a liquor store and ask for Godiva liqueur.
8) Someone may or may not have spent the last half of the night crawling. That's how you know the party was a wild success, by the way. It wasn't me, though I did launch a perfectly good martini glass off the railing. Stay classy, my friends.
9) Dirty Girl Scout martinis are really freaking delicious. They are also fluorescent green and come out the same color they went in. Incidentally, if I had to pick one great thing about being hungover, it's that I allow myself to drink all the Coke in the world it takes to settle my stomach. I refuse to touch the stuff unless I need it. I needed it yesterday. Coke......swear to f-ing god, they still put crack in that stuff.
10) There was a white elephant exchange. We took the good gift, you know the one that was stolen repeatedly. The one that I actually bought thinking it was a birthday gift for the hostess, but I have a patent inability to read invitations and follow directions. Consequently, I bought a good gift that was fought over.
Some of My Most Popular Posts
I live with juvenile diabetes everyday, but....a guest post from Marlo from Nightdreams and DaymaresI live with juvenile diabetes everyday. But, I do not check my child’s sugars. I live with juvenile diabetes everyday. But, I do not wake ...
Philip Seymour Hoffman died yesterday. He was found with a needle still wedged into his arm, heroin believed to be the culprit. When I h...
Hellllllooo. It's been a week already and it's only Tuesday. My inner rage could have something to do with the fact that I've be...
When HIPAA passed in 1996, I was a bright eyed college student in a Bioethics program who analyzed the law in all its intricacies. We took i...
It's your birthday tomorrow. Everyone in the house will make more of a fuss over you than they already do, and you'll drink in eve...
I have anxiety issues. I've had them for as long as I can remember. From the time I was a wee babe, I worried about everything. All th...
FOR THE LOVE PEOPLE. I haven't written one of these in a while, so brace yourselves. It's Not About The Emails... I was a Be...
I'm officially giving up on this writing challenge. I made a mediocre effort. Pats self, half-heartedly, on back. Pat. Pat. Pat. The...
I briefly thought I was maybe, possibly, probably, most definitely going to die yesterday. Twice. Fine. I'm being a bit dramatic, bu...
I am sick. Not like super sick or anything, just dealing with some bizarre virus that mostly involves body aches and horrendous swings in te...