Thursday, December 20, 2012

If the world ends today

First of all, I'm confused.

When exactly is the world supposed to end anyway?  So many time zones, and I just can't be freaking out 24 different times. Those Mayans.....

I guess it's a good thing that we've survived the end of the world a few times already.

There was the whole Y2K thing, then all the times that the Rapture was supposed to go down.  Harold Camping is a comedian.

What if it already happened and all of us are still here because we're heathens??????

Mind. Blown.

My elf, Gollum, convinced triplets that the world was ending.
High five.
Anyway, if the world ends today, I have a few things to get off my chest.

Ready?

1) I'm not cleaning today.  Fuck that.  If the world ends, no one is going to care about dust bunnies.

2) I have a plastic box in my house that belongs to the post office.  It says all over it that it is the property of the federal government, and yet here it stays.  Rebel.

3) I claimed I was done with my Christmas shopping, but I lied.  I just totally forgot someone.  GASP!

4) If we survive, I have a genius idea.  Seriously, this is how I'm going to make my millions.  Do you want to know what it is???  Okay....but you can't tell anyone....dressers for parents with small children that have a top drawer that locks.  Fucking genius.  If you can't figure out why anyone would need such a thing, give it a second.

5) I get really annoyed by stupid people.  REALLY annoyed.  Like so annoyed I want to punch them in the face.

6) I am still in my pajamas.  Because we're all gonna burn anyway.  Why get dressed?

7) New underwear kicks ass.  You should get some if we live.

8) I make my kids do the chores I hate the most.  What????  You know you do it too.  If you don't, you are now considering it.  Admit it.

9) I hate, and I mean HATE cheesy Christmas movies.  My husband made me watch White Christmas last night, and I cringed the whole way through it.  The twin beds, the bad scripts, the missing ribs to be super skinny, the stupid 50's. The ONLY thing worse than being forced to watch the movie was the GODAWFUL commercials for homeless pets that played during all the breaks.  Damn you, Sarah MacLaughlin.

10) NCAA sanctions are stupid.  I'll never understand the whole punishing the kids who were in high school when the shit went down logic.  There.  I said it.

I hope you have an evening planned that is full of debauchery and liquor.  The world's ending, live it up.

Of course, I'm pretty sure we're all just waking up hung over tomorrow.....

2 comments:

  1. Am I the only person that sometimes wishes we still had twin beds? Sleep, luxurious sleep where nobody steals the blankets.

    We probably are heathens. Sad but true. I mean, at least Gollum doesn't try to hide it.

    I am so glad that you are getting the Post Office back on your last day on earth. That warms my heart and soul....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay, now see, I have been trying to be GOOD this whole time. I should have been living it up instead.

    ReplyDelete

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