Sunday, December 30, 2012

Fantasy Island

You know the drill.

Admit've so had this conversation.  You know, the one about the island with the 5 people you'd choose if such a thing ever existed.  Assuming you couldn't choose your spouse, family, children, etc.

Besides, this is a fantasy island.  Wink, wink.  

In fact, I may or may not have partaken in a conversation about the depth of the pool a few weeks ago.  Imagine a group of women, collectively realizing that this is the prime age.   We're not too old to dream about the 20-somethings, not too young to lust over the hot men rocking their 60's.

The pool will never be deeper than it is right now

Think on that for a minute.

Here's the island you are expecting from me.  (the others will come later, promise)

My Fantasy Man Island

1) Christian Slater.  I have loved this man since puberty.  Probably before.  Take me back to the days of Heathers and Gleaming the Cube.  That's the good stuff right there.  I think I will always love Pump Up The Volume the most, even if no one else in the history of time ever saw that movie.

Do you ever get the feeling that everything in
America is completely fucked up?

Yes, Happy Harry Hard-On, I do.  Talk to me.

I don't care that he became famous for his later roles in Young Guns II and Mobsters.  He was firmly seated at the top of my island list before then.  I practically peed my pants when Breaking In came out.  The opportunity to ogle this man on a weekly basis made me a happy, happy girl.  I was so sad when it was canceled earlier this year.  Sigh.  Until we meet again, my sweet.

2) Robert Downey, Jr..  Known around these parts simply as RDJ.  Good lord, I adore this man.  He's struggled with Bi-Polar Disorder and addiction, spent years in and out of rehab, and came out of it to kick Hollywood's ass.  I loved him way back in the 80's when he was harassing Gary and Wyatt in Weird Science.

What he's really saying is, "I've been waiting for you".

He's a true method actor, and can take on just about any role these days, from Iron Man to Sherlock Holmes to Sgt. Lincoln Osiris in Tropic Thunder to a journalist helping a homeless musician in The Soloist.  A friend was lamenting the plot and acting in The Avengers last night.  I told her to stare at Tony Stark and the other fine ass man candy.  RDJ could read ingredient labels and hold my interest.

3) Johnny Depp.  This man, another method actor, can be anyone you would ever want or need.  One stop man shopping.  As most girls in the 80's did, I fell in love with him on 21 Jumpstreet.  In Edward Scissorhands, he partnered up with Tim Burton for the first of many wildly successful movies.  He's known for picking roles because they interest and challenge him, not solely based on whether they will be popular.  Except at this point, he could literally make instructional videos for watching paint dry and have women swooning all over the world.

Why yes, I'll be right there Johnny.
Those eyes.  The cheekbones.  The pirate accent.  Need I say more?  I like him clean shaven, I like him hairy.  I like him in a tux, I like him dirty.  It's just all good.

4) Bradley Cooper.  Holy hell, this man is beautiful.  He's also wickedly intelligent, which means he doesn't just have to sit there and look pretty.  On top of that, he studied at the Actor's Studio, is a method actor (noticing a theme?) and can do a bajillion impersonations.  I first laid eyes on him in Wedding Crashers, and I says to myself, I likes this man.  Once he assumed the role of Phil in The Hangover, I was sold.  Hook, line and sinker.

Mr. Cooper.  We're very formal.
When I saw the first promos for Limitless, I giggled.  If you're starting out in life as Mr. Cooper, how is there even that much room for improvement, honestly???  Within three pages of 50 Shades of Grey, I found myself begging the cosmos to cast him as Christian Grey in the movie.  I hated the book, but if he plays Christian, you can bet your sweet ass I'm watching.

5) Justin Timberlake.  Not only is he adorable, he can sing, dance and act.  He can do it all.  I'll forgive him about the whole Britney thing because he brought the SexyBack.  The guy brought sexy back.  Frankly, I'm not sure where it went, but thank you lord sweet baby Jesus that J.T. brought it back.

Now, dance for me.  Sexy like.
By the time *NSync came out, I was long past my boy band phase (ain't got nothin' but love for NKOTB, New Edition and Menudo).  Plus, JT was a few years younger than me.  Back then, that made him unattractive just on the merits...but now, we can all see the value of a younger man.  Am I right???  I hope that he'll show up for a cameo every.single.week on SNL and fell completely in love with him when he assumed the role of Sean in The Social Network.  I have to adore anyone that felt up Janet Jackson on national TV.

Honorable Mentions
Adam Levine.  Words are not necessary.
I'm just gonna leave this here.
Brad Pitt, circa 1994.
What?  I like him dirty.
I have a thing for Kevin Spacey.
And this is the best movie ever.
Edward Norton.
He kinda scares me, but I like it.
Denzel has been firmly seated on the list until recently.
I blame Mr. Cooper for kicking him off.
Okay, I'm going out on a limb here, since he's like the tiniest man
since Prince to make it big, but he can sing
Locked  Out of Heaven to me and dance all damn day.


  1. I love Pump UP the Volume too. My favorite Christian Slater movie is "True Romance!" What a F'n rock star in that movie. Yummy!

  2. OMG I had such a huge crush on Christian when I was younger. My fave is Heathers. He's a sexy bad boy.

    And Mr. Cooper's EYES. His EYES. So blue.

    This was absolutely hilarious!

  3. LOVE IT. J.T. is DEFINITELY on my list <3

  4. You had me, you had me, you had me, then you lost me on that Justin Timberlake thing. I thought maybe I'd take the easy way out and just sneak aboard your island, but I may have to just find my own.

  5. Pump Up The Volume and Heathers-two of my very favorites. Yes, I too saw Pump Up the Volume and still quote it quite a bit. I knew I liked you for a reason. My love for Christian Slater has faded a bit in more recent years, but back then, yeah, it was that total bad boy in Heathers that won me over...

    And RDJ... I don't know what it is about that guy that makes me absolutely swoon! I had ulterior motives going to see Avengers, of course that was coupled with the fact that Chris Hemsworth (Thor) was also in that movie...

    Justin Timberlake-I am in love with his sense of humor and his total lack of ego!

    I love this... I want my own island now! ;-) I have to think of WHO ELSE I'd want on there. James Franco comes to mind...

  6. Um. Yes, yes, yes (except for the whole Bruno Mars thing)!!!

    Other honorable mentions that need to find their asses on this list? Ryan Gosling (I know. But he's DREAMY). George Clooney (the charm factor alone makes me swoon). Joseph Gordon-Levitt (this link will give you the reasons better than I ever could: Jon Stewart (funny and smart? I'm. so. there.).

  7. Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp. Its all about him. He's the sexiest man there is no matter what role he plays.

    I, too, second Ryan Gosling in the honorable mention category. He's just. So. Pretty.


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