Thursday, December 13, 2012

Clearly, my priorities are in the right order

I am about 13 years overdue for knee surgery.

I have this super-d-duper condition called chondramalacia that usually affects marathon runners in their 40's. I got it when I was 5, and nowhere near a marathon runner.

Because I'm wicked awesome.

Anyhow, I had surgery for it when I was 14.  Because it just made sense to jack up my entire summer, and the absolute best time to be in a full leg brace is when it's 100 degrees outside.  The recovery for it sucked my ass, and it was a year before I could confidently walk down stairs without feeling like my knee would go out and I'd fall flat on my face.  Good times.

Lord, I'm a train wreck.

Anyhow, my doc cautioned me back then that any surgery I ever had wouldn't be a permanent fix and that I'd most likely need to have it repeated every 8-10 years.  It's been 21.  And a half.

Most of the time, my knee is okay.  I mean it hurts and it swells, but when you have something like this you eventually just learn to live with it.  I had a bad habit of overdoing it in college.  I'd push it too hard at the gym and pay for it over the next week or so.

When I got married and had kids, I knew that there was no way I could have surgery.  I can't chase kids in a full leg brace.  So, I wait.  And limp from time to time.

Tick tock.

In truth, though, I don't want the surgery. I'll live with the pain, because at least it's something I am familiar with.  I know the recovery sucks and the benefits don't last all that long anyway.

I'm just annoyed because now that I'm actually in a good routine with yoga and running occasionally, my knee is pissed at me.  The last few days, it has been so bad that I'm unintentionally favoring the other leg and cursing under my breath when I have to get up.  Stairs....just fuck you.

I would like to do my sun saluations, body.

I would like to go for a run, stupid knee.

Mostly though, I have plans today that involve the 3 inch deconstructed black leather mules and dammit I want to wear them.

They are kinda like this, but cuter and higher.
If you see a fabulously dressed woman hobbling around today, it's just me.  Wearing the shoes.  In denial.   Move along.  Nothing to see.

16 comments:

  1. Denial...it gets you places! I don't blame you for putting the surgery off for as long as possible. Hope you make it today with as little pain as possible.

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  2. I used to walk all over NYC in heels. Feet killed me at the end of the day but I looked good!

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  3. omg, you have no idea how much i needed this today. i found out about 2 and a half months ago that i have chondromalacia patella. i am a perfectly healthy 27 year old, and by no means a runner. my orthopedic doc started me on physical therapy twice a week, a strong anti inflammatory, a new knee brace, and 8 weeks later it wasn't working. so we moved onto a steroid injection. that actually made me hurt more, and didn't relieve the pain. monday i had my 2 week follow up with him after the injection to see how i was doing. told him what was going on, and he referred me to a surgeon. i started freaking out. i have an 8 year old and an 18 month old. i'm a stay at home mom while my husband works. how was i going to take care of these kids by myself after having surgery?!? well, i met with the surgeon yesterday. he said i had one more option to try before doing a scope and scraping anything they could. so here i am, now on a 6 day steroid pack and some (crazy $50 thing that's NOT covered by insurance) voltaren gel. honestly, i have no faith in any of this, because none of this stuff worked before. but i'm scared to death of surgery. i completely sympathize with you. especially the "Stairs....just fuck you." i miss my heels too, especially being 5'2''. i'm so glad i found your blog a few days ago. i'm so thankful someone understands because no one in my life does and that's nothing but frustrating. i'm seriously in tears right now. thank you so much for writing this.

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    1. hi there - i had a scope performed about 8 years ago and yes, it sucked, but it made everything better. voltaren is an NSAID (i'm guessing you know that) and it's very potent. so good luck with that and the steroid. i hope you don't need the surgery, but if you do, rehab is pretty quick and you're off crutches in a week. be good to you ... ask for assistance with the kids if you can and don't overdo. -molly

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    2. I REALLY hope you don't need the surgery and that something else less invasive helps. This is a condition that sucks, I can tell you first hand. I have times when things are really good for a while, then weeks or months sometimes when it gets bad. Cold weather is the worst, since I've developed arthritis post surgery as well as having the chondramalacia. If you do have it, the recovery is rough and it will work for a few years (mostly...you'll still be on anti-inflammatories) Naproxen was by BFF for a long time. Now, I try to avoid it since my stomach was torn up by the meds. Good times. Just know you aren't alone, we're in this together. xo

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  4. Stupid bodies-our bodies are TRAITORS! How dare they do this stuff to us. I'm currently in denial for my chronic nausea. I really need to go in and get it figured out so I can graduate from couch potato to maybe another kind of potato?

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    1. It's no fun. I had IBS for a while.....shudder.

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  5. If it makes you feel any better podiatrists (and possibly orthopedists) recommend varying the height of our shoes. Too many high heels too often and we damage the tendons. Flats too often and we don't work all the muscles. So there is that :) (Caveat: they DID say no heals over 2-3 inches ever)

    P.S. Feel better. I have hips issues now and am putting up a ballet barre in my basement to help with the much needed stretching.

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    1. Sun salutes, Kelly! I'll teach you yoga... ;) -Molly

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    2. About the only things that help for this are making sure all your leg muscles are really strong, so the joint isn't too burdened...but even then....sigh.

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  6. i want those shoes. so glad to hear you're still at on the salutes... go girl! eff you pain! rrrrNnnNNnnnn.

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    1. Was. I'm behind now. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up soon. Ugh.

      Can hardly walk today.

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  7. Knee surgery at 14. That's impressive. So what you're saying is that there's a chance I could actually outrun you...

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    1. Anyone could outrun me. Even on a good day. LOL

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