Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Things That Piss Me Off Tuesday - The Screw You Lexus edition

Ignoring the fact that I'm really not in rage grrrrrl mode today, I'm going to dig deep.  It's Tuesday, and I'm supposed to be pissed off, so dammit I'm going to try.

Winter that isn't winter
If it's going to be 12 degrees when I have to leave, it should snow.  You hear me, Mother Nature?  Enough of this cold breeze crap.  Bring me some snow.

WalMart
Yep, I hate it all.  Every piece of it.  In fact, I should probably stop reading about WalMart because it is pissing me off so much.  Did you know that in some states, as many as 80% of WM employees rely on food stamps and Medicaid?  Did you know that the Walton family is the richest in the world?  Did you know that they have internal rules about limiting hours and pay to help employees qualify for assistance?  Do you realize that this is another form of corporate welfare?  The shareholders are rolling in the dough, but the employees are barely making minimum wage.  Guess who's picking up the difference???  You and I, the taxpayers.

I hope you will rethink the next time you shop there using the excuse to save a few bucks.  It's costing society more in the long run for corporations like this one to exist.  Oh, but you could get a tv there for $10 cheaper....yeah, so keep on shopping there.  (I'm kidding.  Please don't.)

Reminders of our constant inability to make our families truly happy
It's almost December, so you know what that means.  We had a good few weeks after the election where things went back to normal and we were subjected to commercials about wiener pills and feminine hygiene products.  Yeah, well that's over.

It's the constant barrage of reminders that your family will never be the happiest they could be.  Unless you shower your wife/girlfriend/and even daughters in diamonds, YOU FAIL.  I'm not kidding about the daughters, I think Kay is running an ad where future step dads are supposed to give the soon-to-be stepdaughter diamonds.  Add that into your budget, gentlemen.

If those diamonds aren't enough, you are supposed to buy everyone a Lexus too.

Because everyone has a $50,000+ holiday budget.

Screw you, Lexus.

I especially like the one commercial (which I think is actually a Buick commercial), where Dad buys everyone in the family a Segway and they all look at him like the loser that he is when the snooty neighbor drives by with their new-with-a-giant-bow-just-to-rub-it-in-everyone's-faces-car.

Except here's the thing, jerkoffs.....Segways are like $7,000 each.

Gosh, Dad....you ONLY spent $28,000 on us.  You must not love us enough.

I was talking to m husband about it a few nights ago, and we wondered aloud why the more reasonably priced car manufacturers don't jump on the bandwagon.  Imagine the commercials....
Slightly better than the beater you're driving right now.

Sorry kid, Dad got the Lexus.

We all know you don't deserve the Cadillac.

She'll love it anyway!  Okay, maybe not, but at least it's still clean!

What???  It's got a big bow!  Look at the big bow!!!

5 comments:

  1. Amazing as always :) I hate those freaking commercials! And the jewelry ones. Don't get me wrong, i lerrrv me some jewelry, but we have 5 kids and responsibilities and my poor husband feeling like crap because of those dayum jewelry ones is ridiculous. Stupid. Awesome post.

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  2. And just then you reaffirmed why I think you're so cool! We think alike.

    I'm so not a diamonds girl. The only piece of storebought jewelry as well as the only diamond I wear is my wedding band. My husband is safe, I'd rather have power tools (true story). My daughter, however, would rather have diamonds. Lots of them. Last year one of the Kay Jeweler's commercials came on and she started beaming. After it was over she turned to me and said, "Mommy, I want DIAMONDS for Christmas!"

    Yeah, she is going to be very high maintenance. I pity the poor guy whose life she rules!

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  3. Do people really give cars for Christmas? I always wonder about that. I don't know a single person who has ever given or received a car for Christmas. I assume it must happen or there wouldn't be commercials, right? Wal-Mart stinks. I went about two years without stepping into one and now I live in a place where it is pretty much the only store. We do our best to shop as little as possible in there. I think some law should be passed to make them provide benefits to their employers so tax payers don't fit the bill. It's ridiculous. I don't know how it is legal.

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  4. Oh fuck you, Lexus, and your December to Remember Sales Event. I wouldn't even accept a car as a gift. It's so douchey.

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  5. My uncle gave his wife a VW Bug for Christmas one year. He is a really successful (read: stinking rich) businessman, but is also the nicest guy in the world. Sits on the boards of many major and local charities, donates tons of money to cancer research (he's a Stage IV survivor), and recently, finishing a term as mayor for a nearby city while donating the majority of his salary to charities or putting the money back into the city budget. He's the only person I know who can spend that kind of money without coming across as a pretentious ass.

    The winter thing is driving me crazy, too! If I have to scrape ice off my car every morning, I should get to go sledding. It seems only fair.

    And Wal*Mart sucks. That place is seriously awful. I read something that said if they charged each customer like, $0.15 more per total purchase, they could afford to increase worker pay to $25k/year. But they won't, I'm sure... The Wal*Marts around here are getting publicity for other reasons, though... Yesterday a woman superglued her ass to a toilet seat. And a different local Wal*Mart had to be evacuated because there was a meth lab inside... If that's not classy, I don't know what is.

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