Sunday, November 25, 2012

The List of 2012

It's that time of year.

My annual Christmas list.



I've done this for a few years now.   If you care to read my lists from years before, click on the links below.

2011
2010
2009

I make these lists for a few reasons.  One, because there are a handful of people in this world who still care what I want.  Two, because I have unreasonable and irrational desires.  Three, because I'm five.

My kids are to the point now where they generate long and elaborate lists, complete with drawings and diagrams and specifications about which version of whatever electronic thing it is that they are asking for.  Kids only get more expensive.

At least kids are still kids and obsess about material things.  They don't ask for the impossible things I want, like time travel.

Here's what I want, in no particular order.

1.  A time machine.  I get the whole altering-the-outcome-of-everything Back the Future effect, but some of the things I would change would still be worth it.  I'd especially like to give out a few taco kicks.

2. I want my car to be clean.  Even under the seats and in the cracks.  It's like a bad science experiment in there.

3. I need new clothes. I've lost enough weight that most of my pants are falling down.  In the event that you're ever walking behind me when my hands are full and I moon you accidentally, my apologies.  I could just buy belts, I suppose, but I'd rather get new jeans.

4. I need new boots.  I've had the same two pairs of boots since college. Oh, the stories those boots could tell you...if and when they ever get replaced, I'm not sure I can bear to part with them.

5. I want a puppy.  Sort of.  I don't particularly want to pay for, train or clean up after a puppy.  I want a puppy again, then I watch Marley and Me and I swear I'm never getting another dog for the rest of my life.

6. Kids that listen the first time.  I'd be a lot less crazy if this happened. 

7. The ability to clone myself.

8. An unlimited Starbucks card.  Enough said.

9. Nail polish and eyeliner and lip gloss that my daughters don't steal.

10. I want to go to a real NYE party, full of drunkenness and glitter.

11. I want a vacation, without my kids.  I love them and all, but I want to go sit by a pool with a drink that has an umbrella in it and not have to worry about people drowning.

12. I want a teleporter. I wish it didn't take 16 hours to reach the beach from here.  I should just be able to press a button.

13. I want my hair to stay this color without having to dye it every month.

14. I want to notice my eyebrows are out of control at any other time than when I am in the car.  I can forget to pluck them for weeks on end when I'm near tweezers and mirrors, but get me in a car going somewhere important and I suddenly realize there is a caterpillar growing on my forehead.  Maybe I'll just leave some tweezers in the car.  That's not weird, right?

15. I want to know how to knit.  I'm trying to learn, and this skill set is clearly above my pay grade.  I'm going to keep at it because of who and what it's for, but goddammit I suck.

16. A pedicure more than once a year.  Strike that, more often than once every two years.

17. I love to cook, but hate to clean.  So, a dish washing robot would be great.

18. I'd prefer that my cat doesn't bringing mice in the house anymore.

19. World peace, the end of hunger, cure for cancer, truth, justice and fairness.  All that stuff.

20.  Something huge that will probably never happen, but I keep holding out hope.  It would just confirm the fact that I am indeed crazy, but I'm okay with that.  There's always room for more crazy around here.  ;)

9 comments:

  1. :-D I'd take an unlimited Starbucks card too. That would be snazzy!

    I've been working on my list-it'll be up next week. "The No Holds Barred Christmas List". It'll be epic. I'm hoping there's an anonymous donor out there who might help us all out! I won't be receiving gifts this year due to our situation, so I can dream, right? ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Awesome. Can't wait to read it. A girl can dream, right?

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  2. Kids that listen the first time, I don't think even Santa can make that one happen. Sorry.

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  3. I love your list, but I hate you. I hate you because your pants are falling down and mine are too tight, so I need new clothes for the opposite reason.

    (Okay, but you know I really love you, right? :))

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    Replies
    1. You wouldn't love me if I mooned you. HAHAHA

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  4. I can teach you to knit (sort of). I learned 1 stitch and I swear, years from now, I'll have a blanket. Honest...

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    Replies
    1. It's bad. Worse that you are imagining.

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  5. Love it! Keep holding hope for the last one. And for the listening kids. Eh, you might as well let the kids listening dream go, it ain't gonna happen.

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