Normally, Tuesday is my day to rant about the things that piss me off. This week, I just can't bring myself to do it. Two days to Thanksgiving, smack dab in the middle of the month of gratitude.
I've written about gratitude as it's been a part of my life recently a few weeks ago. The backhanded variety. The perspective and lessons learned type of gratitude. The if I hadn't been to hell and back I wouldn't have this gratitude kind of gratitude.
I try to keep a healthy perspective about life, but sometimes I think we all slip a little. Can't see the forest because we get too preoccupied staring that at the one or two dysfunctional trees. Truth be told, I've got a lot of dysfunctional trees in my forest, but there are enough of them in there that are strong and healthy and tall and magnificent that the other ones can blend in just fine if I let them. If I don't fixate on them and stare.
It's the blending that saves us.
Saves our sanity.
Keeps us grounded.
We have a choice to make, we all do. We can fixate on the dysfunctional, or we can force ourselves to take the step back and let it all run together.
I'm trying....really trying....to take that step back.
Thanksgiving is tough for me. Among other things, this holiday, and the entire tail end of November really, have always belonged to my Dad. His birthday always fell sometime around or on the day we celebrate together around a table with family. Even though he's not here anymore, his birthday still is. He would have been 60 this year. We would have made him the cherry cheesecake he always requested and put way too many candles on it and we would have laughed.
We'll still have the cheesecake, but without the candles. Without the person to blow them out. With stories to remember him, reminders that he is still with us and that he'd be downright angry if anyone was sad because he isn't here anymore.
Today, I am thankful that dinner is here this year. Though the table won't be surrounded by everyone I wish it could be, it will be full. My children are healthy, my husband recovering. My brother in law has the day off and will be comparing mustaches with my husband. We'll meet someone new, and I'll spend a lot of time harassing my father in law. My mother in law has her work cut out for her, since she has been tagged to teach me to knit. (Wish her luck on that one) My dog will sit patiently and wait for whatever falls on the floor, perhaps entertaining us in the meantime. The cat will be obnoxious, and I wouldn't expect anything else.
There are people missing, of course. Those far away and those who've left us forever. There will be phone calls and toasts and silent prayers to the stars for them.
I have pumpkins to roast today and a turkey to clean. I have been completely preoccupied with the fact that I'm brining the bird this year, and I'm grateful for the distraction. I have pies to bake and stuffing to make and candles to light and tables to set.
I am grateful for being busy. For having family to feed and a table to sit around.
I'm grateful for my forest.
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