Sunday, November 11, 2012

Backhanded Gratitude

Backhanded gratitude.....that should be the name of a band or something. ~I Want A Dumpster Baby

I was talking about this with her a while ago, mostly because she pretty much has the market cornered on gratitude.  If you aren't following her yet, you need to go right now.  She is, simply put, one of the most amazing people in all of the internets.  And she is gorgeous and cooking twin babies right now.

I love her for so many reasons, not the least of which is that we have a few things in common that I don't actually have in common with anyone else I know in the world.  We've both been through some shit.  Some real, heavy, grounding life shit.  We even have more in common than I've told her.

She understands, probably more than anyone else I've ever met, what it means to be truly grateful.  By that, I mean that she knows what it's like to have nothing.  She had to fight for every single piece of awesomeness that she is now, scraping her way up from the literal bottom.  There's a resilience to people who've been there.  An understanding.

With it, comes a different level of gratitude.  It's not something that I can really adequately put into words for those who don't already know what I mean.

I've already done a submission for another writer friend, Grass Oil, on the subject of gratitude.  You should go check her out and think about making a submission.  It's a quick one, only 100 words or less.  For me, though, the limit itself was the challenge.

It's because I know that to really be grateful for what you have, you need to know what it's like to be without.  You need to hit that bottom to see how high up the top is. You need to be hopeless to understand how life changing true hope is.

You need to lose yourself to really find yourself.

Thus comes my sense of backhanded gratitude.

Would I have preferred not to go through some of the shit I've been through?  Absolutely.  No question in my mind about that.

This is the kind of stuff you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

I did go through it though, and you know what?  I'm here now.  With a fuller view of the world, with a stronger sense of myself, with a gratitude for all that I have that never existed at this level before.

That, and I've made some kickass friends along the way.


  1. <3 <3 <3 you. i really do. i really amazingly legitimately sincerely authentically love you. not because you linked, not at all. i do because you are kicking ass at being you and that freakin' rocks. who'da thunk i'dve been so inspired by you, this chick several years my junior, several hundred miles away? you do. you do it and you do it well, beautifully and mightily. xoxo

    1. thank you for not running away from my crazy ass. xoxo

  2. Sometimes I think about who I am today and wonder would I be this person without all of the crap I've endured? Probably not. I love this backhanded gratitude concept. It makes so much sense. You can't really have regrets when you embrace the path you have been on and realize that it is what has made you special and kind and empathic and good. You are a ray of sunshine! So is I want a dumpster baby. I just see her big smile, her red lipstick, her elevator dancing and I can't help but feel happy. Good to know you both and Molly too. Such a supportive group of women. I feel blessd to have you in my life!

  3. Tru dis, for sure! I am grateful for so many little things and gripe about so much less after losing our son. It just doesn't seem important anymore. I almost feel sorry for the moms who gripe over a lost tennis shoe or a messy basement. I want to be happy because I still carry so much sadness in my heart. Maybe that's what my tragedy has done for me -made me see the bigger picture and realize that I really did have a lot to be grateful for in the first place.

    1. this is exactly what i mean, but you know that more than most people ever will. i feel the same for people who are so sure the world will end over a stomach virus or a lost backpack - those things are so minor, but they have no appreciation for it.

      thank you for being you, for sharing your story with us all. xoxo

  4. You know how alcoholics and drug addicts are supposed to apologize and make amends after treatment to those they'd hurt? I did that after going through therapy for my anxiety/depression and alcohol issues and changing my life a few years ago. Some people hug you and tell you it's okay, others ball up their fists and tell you to go f yourself.

    The important thing is self-awareness. You have it, my new friend, as do I. Our crazy asses will be okay.

    1. This is what I mean when I talk about the kickass friends I've met along the way. :)

  5. It's all about perspective for me. I try to use the worst times as perspective whenever I hit a really tough time. Right now things feel so hopeless I'm literally digging in the basement for perspective. And in the midst of it all, I've become so grateful that I have to go through the worst of it at a time where I've found bloggers to serve as an outlet, and a support system.


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