Monday, October 1, 2012

How to clean a house

The last few months haven't been good to my house.

I'm still trying to catch up from when I was sick and nothing got done.

I'm going to be so far beyond busy this week that I'm not sure how much writing I will have time for.  Tear.

Everything is sticky.  Why is everything sticky???  Why are kids always sticky?

The carpet is trashed, which isn't anything new around here.  It's showing the wear that comes with  a boatload of kids and a dog and a cat and various additional furry guests.  I swear sometimes it's like we run a kennel here.

Which is fine.  Unless you're my carpet.  Then, not so much.

I need to shampoo it today.

Well, what I really need to do is to put it out of it's misery. It needs stripped from the floor and taken outside and thrown into a giant heap then set afire.  That's really the right thing to do here.

Oh look...Kelly is cleaning again....
It's right, but it's not in my budget at the moment.  So I'll wash it.

And copiously use my dimmer switches.

When I'm done with the carpet, I get to strip the wood floors and wax them.  My wood floors are the epitome of sadness in my house.  They literally have been beat to hell.

They are scratched and dinged.  The finish is completely gone in areas, which tells me that I really need to just suck it up and pay to have them refinished.  But I don't because I know that whoever would come evaluate my situation here would take one look at it, then sit me down all serious like a doctor in a hospital with bad news.

They are warped from the beer incident of a few years ago, probably beyond repair.  They probably just need to be taken out and thrown into the carpet bonfire.

I'll do my best to make them shiny.  And copiously use my dimmer switches.

Best way to clean the house?  Bonfires.  Close second?  Buy dimmer switches.


  1. Getting old stinks but I do have to say this; as my eyesight starts to go, my house starts looking better. Just saying...

  2. I'm very familiar with the dimmer switch trick. I use it often.

  3. I was going to clean today. Now, I'm off to Home Depot. Thanks for the tip!

  4. you're so funny... dimmer switches, C4 (as I mentioned already) and oh, reading glasses. everything looks better with reading glasses on.


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