Friday, October 5, 2012

About herpes.....

This is your official warning.

If I ask all the people on my Facebook page what they want me to write about and the only answer is something wholly inappropriate, you know I'm going to take that and run with it.

Because that's what I do best.  

I still need to write about my son's middle school band concert, and I've owed you all a post about the separation of church and state  I also really want to write about the debate.  But I don't really have time.

Actually the only reason I'm even sitting right now is that my body has forced me to.  Apparently being out in the cold for 5 hours when you're still not entirely over pneumonia isn't a good idea.  Cough, cough, cough.  

I need to clean.  For reals now.  It's go time.

But first, since someone asked, I have to write about herpes.

This is what you get.

I asked him to specify if he meant the above the belt type or the below the belt type.  He didn't respond.  I'm sure you are all familiar with the difference.  GOOD LORD I hope you are.  

Of course, he could have been talking about the other types of herpes.  Which I highly doubt.  The ones that you may be unfamiliar with.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.

Gogurt herpes - Something about putting yogurt in a tube makes it infinitely more messy.  Seriously, that shit gets everywhere.

Craft herpes - There is the my-kid-seems-like-a-serial-killer-because-he-is-so-obsessed-with-cutting-paper-into-tiny-pieces herpes, there is the confetti herpes and the worst of them all, glitter herpes.  That shit spreads like wildfire and gets every.fucking.where.  For reals, once this god-awful microscopic metal crap is in your house, you're never ever getting rid of it.

Cereal herpes - This is a new one to my life.   Well, sort of.  My kids are wholly incapable of putting every piece of cereal in a bowl or their mouths, and it just falls where it may.  All over the floor.  They LOVE to take little bags of cereal as snack, so it spreads all over the car too.  

Soap herpes - If you have a soap lover, you already know where I'm going with this.  Soap is, shockingly, almost impossible to clean up.  One little handful of it and the walls, the banisters, the doorknobs...all covered.

Sand herpes - One trip to the park, a lifetime of sweeping.  A lifetime.

And with that, I think I'm done coughing up a lung.  I've got some herpes to address....


  1. I just choked on my lunch while reading about Cereal Herpes. SO TRUE! Why is it ALL over the floor...wet and soggy and sticky? Grosses me out.

  2. ...and then they get older and have homework herpes. They avoid homework like, well, the plague. Best way to avoid it, apparently is to lie and say you did it. Messy in a whole different way!

  3. We have a never ending case of craft herpes. It's horrible. No amount of treatment is curing the wretched virus. It's only spreading. I'm scared really. Very scared. The glitter symptom is just starting to show itself. Is there an end in sight?!


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