Friday, June 1, 2012

Until they're not

How many of you out there have ever been betrayed, really betrayed, by a friend?  My guess is that there are probably more of you that have than haven't.

Which is the shitty thing about people.

People suck sometimes.  Even the ones that aren't supposed to.  Even the ones that you've known for what seems like forever.  Even the ones who know your deepest darkest secrets.  Even the ones you have tons of history with.  Even they can royally screw you over.

Until they're not.
Odds are, you don't even see it coming.

And it hurts.

It hurts bad.

It hurts so much more than when bad things just happen outside of the control of anyone.  It hurts so much more than when strangers do or say things.  It hurts so much more.

It is a greater violation, no two ways about it.

It is, for the simple reason that someone who is supposed to be your ally chooses to hurt you.

The reasons for a so-called friend to betray another are as many as there are colors in the world, though the reasons almost always boil down to one thing.  Selfishness.

I want something you have.  I don't want you to have it anymore.  I don't honestly care if I hurt you as long as I get what I want.

I have had this happen a few times in my life, the last was the greatest.  The worst of them all.

What makes it hurt even still today is that it's made me realize that even though I was always that friend to this person, they never were to me.

All those years of being supportive, of being the safe place, of giving encouragement, meant nothing to her.

I meant nothing to her.

Even after all this time, it still hurts.

7 comments:

  1. I am sorry you are feeling this pain. I have been there. Am there right now I think. A good friend, one of my best, has chosen to stop speaking with me for reasons she really hasn't disclosed despite her weak suggestion that she has. I have been nothing but kind, loving and supportive to this person; perhaps maybe too eager for her friendship, but she doesn't care. I know that whatever's going on b/w us, I have nothing to do with it. I have decided to move on and I have also decided that when I hear the phrase, "it's not you, it's me" it's right. It's her and that's all there is to it. There's a part of me that simply doesn't fit in her life anymore / at the moment and whatever that is, I'm OK with it, because if it means I have to change my outlook, my standards or my behaviors, then TFB for her. Not gonna happen. You are loved.

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  2. That's exactly right. TFB. I just need to remind myself of that. ((hugs))

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  3. I just wrote a blog about this very subject! My best friend dropped me like a hot potato out of the blue a month or so ago...no real solid explanation, just a bunch of bullcrap. Seem to be a common occurrence these days:-(
    Keep your chin up, I'm sorry you have to deal with it too!

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    Replies
    1. It really is...I just have to remind myself that I did nothing wrong and that it's her loss....you should do the same. ((hugs))

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  4. It's always okay to let go. I have lost friends, walked away from friends, had friends walk away. It never feels good but it almost always feels like the right choice. Some friends have come back around to my life. We fit better now. Some I never see. I think it it a human failing to think friendships are meant to be everlasting. I change, you change, we all change, and so, friendship needs change.

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  5. Awe... Sorry to hear that. That hits a little close to home. Us turd heads can be major jerk faces, huh?-

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  6. You're right..you never get over it. I never in a million years thought my "bff" would hurt me the way she did. Still can't wrap my head around it.

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