Monday, June 18, 2012

It doesn't take much

It really doesn't take much to amuse me.

I can literally spend hours people watching.

I mean, really, let's face it.  People are freaking hilarious.

We took the kids to the pool yesterday.  We went to one of the kiddie pools, where the "deep" end is only 3 feet deep. There were a lot of noteworthy attendees, for sure, but four of them stood out.
One was the mother who looked like she was seriously on the edge of a nervous breakdown.  Completely, like just about right up there on the edge.  She had two whole kids, one of which was a great swimmer and not at all whiny.  The other kid....well, it just drove me bonkers.  He couldn't swim and was too short to stand in the deep end.  In my book, that means either you stay with the kid all the time or you just tell him that he can't go in the deep end.  It's not rocket science, honest.  

Instead, she'd leave him flailing, wander off to ponder the depths of the universe, panic that he was drowning, again, run frantically to where he was and freak the f*%& out.  Repeatedly.  Like it was his fault she kept leaving him there.  Poor kid.

There was another mom with her only child in the shallow end.  He was at least 5, and clearly was one of those children who has never been told no, has never been allowed fail, has never been allowed out of his mother's sight for more than 10 seconds.  As if the full body sun suit and floppy hat wasn't enough,  the kid had more flotation devices attached to him than even seemed possible.  No wonder he can't swim....he can't even move his arms.  He was like the little brother in the snowsuit in A Christmas Story.  I couldn't help but think that people like her are really only setting their children up for failure in the long run, but I'm certain she'd insist she was doing it right.

The third mom never actually got in the pool, but walked laps around it.  Strutted, is more like it.  She was working the pool deck like a runway, in her unnecessarily high heeled sandals, no less.  A runway for flabby middle aged moms with gray hairs and mismatched swimsuits.  Any guy at this pool isn't interested in watching anything walk around anyway, they were all half floating around in the pee pool with the kids.  This isn't cougar town.  I didn't understand at all, but by her third lap, I was half tempted to yell out, you go girl!  own it, work it!  I didn't.   Which is the real shame.

Finally, we had the highlight reel parents.  The couple with one child, who came to the pool for precisely 10 minutes.  Just enough time to slather the child head to toe with sunscreen and dip her in the pool momentarily for pictures, then leave.  No, really, sweetheart, we took you to the pool all the time when you were little....see the pictures???   You had fun.  You totally had fun.  Just look at all the photographic evidence we have.

I was planning to write about the group of people we saw a few weeks ago, clearly a childbirth class reunion based on the fact that there were 5 itty bitty newborns and 2 exceptionally pregnant women...but that's enough for a post all it's own.  So you're gonna have to wait.  It'll be worth it, honest.

Have a great day, everyone.  Try not to overheat...we're headed back to the pool this afternoon, braving the 100 degree heat.  Mama needs some blog fodder.

Watch yourselves, cuz I'm watching you.

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