Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Things That Piss Me Off Tuesday - the introduction to summer edition

It's the first full week of summer vacation in my house.

A time of year when people like me simultaneously enjoy the fact that their daily schedules free up and cringe at the prospect of having to entertain the kids all.damn.day.

I've already heard a few of them claim to be bored.

Which is fine.

You're bored???  Wash the baseboards.

I can play that game.

There are many things I love about summer, this is true.  Like the BBQs and the late nights on the porch and the street festivals and the movies in the park.  Stuff like that.  It's the other things that irritate me.

I hate sunscreen.  I have a texture issue with it.  It's slimy and greasy and never feels "right".  It doesn't help that both my daughter and I are allergic to it in almost every form.  I can't even put most of it on the other kids without breaking out in a rash.  And for her...we're still on the hunt for something that works.

I hate sand.  In a moment of weakness a few years ago, we decided to put sand in the backyard around the swing set and playhouse.  The kids will love it, I said.  It will be fun, I said. And they do love it.  Then they carry sand with them everywhere they go.  In their shoes and their pockets and their hair.  In the house, in the car.  Here and there, near and far.

I hate ice pops and paths of sticky goo that they leave. I feel like I spend all day sweeping sand and de-gooing the floor.  It's the best when the goo is still wet and sand comes in the house.  That's the good stuff.

I hate the never ending piles of wet towels and clothes and swimsuits.  Everything is always wet, for three solid months.  It doesn't matter how much laundry I do, it's never done.  I'm pretty sure I will have a heart attack the day that someone hangs up a towel.

I hate the fact that my kids can wake up fighting with each other, spend all day fighting with each other, go to bed fighting with each other. You'd think it would get exhausting at some point.  I know it does for me.

I hate bubbles.  Summer equals bubbles.  Kids love bubbles.  Kids love to dump entire bottles of bubbles on the concrete, then watch you hose it off for hours, which only creates a huge foaming dance party stage.  Soap truly is one of the worst things to clean up.

But do you want to know what I hate the most about summer?

The flying blood sucking assholes.  Mosquitoes.

I hate them.  Hate, hate, hate.  I was out back last night and it began.  The nightly feast on my flesh.  I must be delicious.  From now until October, I will do battle against them.  I will wave my hands frantically in the air, flinch at anything that makes a buzzing sound, cringe when dusk sets in, conjure up all kinds of natural insect repellents and itch.  A lot of itching.

Ahhh, summer.  Ain't it grand?


  1. You and me both! I still have NINE days of school left before summer but I am dreading it already...


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