Sunday, May 27, 2012

Faith

I went to the doctor this week.

He's always so worried about me, but seems to think that I'm managing the things life throws at me pretty well, all things considered.

I was a little taken aback by one of the questions he asked me this time, though.  Mostly because it's one he's never asked me before, and one I never expected him to.

It's not the kind of thing that doctors normally ask.

After catching him up on the current events of my life, he stopped for a second.  Folded his arms across his chest, pondered, scrunched up his face, then asked me this:

Do you have faith?

My immediate answer was that I do.  I'm not religious, per se, as I consider myself a recovering Catholic at this point, but I have faith.

In something, anyway.

I'm not sure what I exactly have faith in anymore, but I have to believe that there is something out there bigger than us.  Bigger than me.

My husband claims to be an atheist.  I think he's really more along the lines of agnostic.  He's definitely not a recovering Catholic, though....not anymore.  He's just done with the building and the rules and the judgment.  Entirely.

Which is fine.  I'm really not much further away from that than he is.  The difference between us though, is that I still admit to believing in something.  He tries to deny it.

In my life, I've had too many experiences that tell me that there has to be more than this.  That even with the scientific explanations for everything that we have now, there are times that you definitely feel the presence of something bigger.

I've been witness to the births of many, I've been present for the deaths of a few.

At least from where I stand, you can't see the beginning of a life without knowing that it's a miracle.  And you can't bear witness to the end of one without believing that there has to be something more, something better, something after.

I can't prove it.  I can't find any empirical evidence that tells me I am right.

I just believe it.  I've felt it.

That's why they call it faith.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. I was raised Catholic, and lately I've become torn. I have issues with so much of what the Church stands for, or rather stands against. But I love the sense of community and friendship I feel whenever I go to Mass with my parents. It's frustrating. Despite my conflicted feelings about religion, I DO believe that there is something more. Like you said, I will probably never be able to define it, and I will almost certainly never be able to prove it. But I feel it, and I hope for it. And I hope that whatever we're feeling, it helps to bring you peace.

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