Friday, April 13, 2012

The Tunnel

I feel like I've been in the tunnel for a long time now.  Like it goes on and on forever.

Sometimes, in the middle of the tunnel, there is a swirling vortex trying to pull me down.

Sometimes, like yesterday, I don't have the strength to escape it.

Then I go

down

down

down


down


into the rabbit hole.  Just like in the movie, only there isn't a surreal fantasy world waiting for me at the bottom.  It's just cold and hard and uncomfortable and lonely.

I'm paying the price for my journey now, clawing my way back up to solid ground.

Squinting to see the light at the end of the tunnel again, marching towards it again, hoping to find a way out again.

I was trying to find a quote that sums up what I'm feeling right now, and this one was the closest.

When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse.  And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. 
~Malcolm Forbes

It's twisted logic, but it's spot on.

I learned a long, long time ago never to tempt fate and ask the question what else could go wrong?  

Something else can always go wrong.

It seems like something else always does.

That something else more painful, more unimaginable than the last something.

I don't tempt fate anymore.

And so, today, I'm climbing back out.

I'm bruised and I'm broken, but I'm here.

Back in the tunnel.

This time, though, the light seems a little brighter, a little closer.

Maybe the tunnel really will end.

2 comments:

  1. One of the main reasons I love reading your blog is because more often then not, I find we're in this weird synchronized dance of emotion. You always seem to be saying what I'm feeling or thinking but can't blog about. Keep on marching. There is an End. <3

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  2. Honey: Belive me there is always light at the end of the tunnel and NO IT IS NOT A FREIGHT TRAIN COMING IN YOUR DIRECTION!! Hang tough my little girl, things will get better sometimes it just takes a person a while to get to the light. I'm here for you 24/7 should you ever want to talk or need a hug or just a night away from home - M&M's, Hot Chocolate, Beer, Cosmos whatever you need - ask and you shall recieve.

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