Thursday, March 8, 2012

Oh, I'm totally judging her.

So there is this mom.

Out of this town of over 80,000 people, I keep running into her.

Her kids don't go to my school, but I see her around plenty.

I know that I constantly say not to judge people, and that I try to do it in as many aspects of my life as possible.  There are times that doesn't work, though.  There are times where basic humanity dictates that one must judge another.

There are some people who ask for judgement, who beg for it even.

She's one of them.

She is the mother of four kids, at least as far as I can tell.  A quick glance at her kids leads one to think almost instantly that they each have different fathers.  I've seen her and her kids about a million times, but there has never been a male figure with them.  There's no ring on her finger, and within mere seconds of being anywhere near her, it's apparent why.

You don't even need to see her to understand.   You can hear it.

She yells.  Constantly.  I've never once heard her speak in a normal tone of voice.

She is a miserable person to share the same space with at all.

Every single time I see her, I'm tempted to say something.  To call her out in public.  To get in her face and yell at her like she does to her children.  To insult and humiliate her.  To belittle and berate her.

I want to hug her kids and tell them that they are smart and worthy and beautiful and precious.

You can see her children shrink away from her, flinching with every ounce of their being.

Her primary method of parenting is intimidation.  She threatens those kids constantly.

I saw her at the pool once.  Her youngest barely walking at the time.  She actually got annoyed when the lifeguard asked her to stay closer to the baby when he kept falling in the water and running along the edge.

She'd yell at him to come back, to stop, to wait...but she wouldn't get up unless he had actually fallen in or the lifeguard was on her case.

She barked orders at the rest of her kids across the crowded pool.

It was heartbreaking.

The last time I saw her, just this week, she was picking up one of her kids.    Within seconds of signing her out, the mother was urging her daughter to hurry up and telling her to shut up.

The hard part is that I've never seen any physical violence.  I've never seen her beat them, but their flinches tell me she just waits until no one is watching.  I don't know anything about her other than what I've seen in bits and pieces.  There's nothing to report.

I have no idea what her life is like.  I have no idea how hard it is for her.  I don't.

And yet, I know that no matter how miserable she may be, she has no right to put those kids through what she does to them.  They deserve a parent, not a bitchy drill sergeant.  They deserve a mother, not a monster.

We all have our moments.  We all have our frustrations.  We all near the end of our rope sometimes.  She just seems to dwell there as a permanent state of being, hanging on to the bottom and dragging her children along for the ride.

I try not to judge, but sometimes I just can't help it.

Some people need to be judged.


  1. Exactly! I hate it for the kids. And you can judge her when she is in the wrong.

  2. this breaks my heart =,( no matter how unruly kids are, they don't deserve to be humiliated - especially in PUBLIC! If I were you, I'm sure I'd judge her too. Her ways are simply just not the way a mother should be. tsk


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