Thursday, February 9, 2012

Tired

Though it may not seem like it on the outside, I feel like I've been teetering on the edge of insanity for a while now.

Just barely keeping the crazy bottled up.  Every so often I can feel it rising to the surface, and so I shove it down further.  I tell it no.

Not right now.

I can't.
To quote Pink,
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?

I have.  A lot lately.

I put on a good show.  Most people have no idea what a mess my life really is these days.  And most of those who think they know really only know a part of it.

There's more.  Much more.  More than I'll ever write about here.

Maybe someday I will, in another place and time.  Maybe I'll tell the world why life isn't fair and why there really should be a limit on how many tragedies one person should be forced to deal with at a time.

Maybe.

There are a handful of people who know just exactly what has been going on.  Some have been my unwavering supporters.  Some have asked me questions that I don't even have the answers for myself.   Some have been less than what I'd hoped.  Others have failed me completely.

Which is good, I suppose.  Better to know anyway.

Sometimes you've got to hold someone up to the fire to test them.  To see what they're really made of.

After the fires I've been held up to, I'd have to say that I'm pretty damn durable.

Takes a lot to knock me down.

If nothing else, this year has taught me that I am far stronger than I ever thought I could be.

That, and I'm funny as hell when I'm hurting.

Thank you all, and a BIG welcome to my newest readers.   :)

I can't promise that I'll always be funny.  I can't promise that I'll never make you angry.  I can promise to bring you on this journey of my life, though.

It's one hell of a ride.  I think it's worth coming along.  xoxo

2 comments:

  1. I am going through a crisis right now too (it's been going on for awhile) and this:

    "There are a handful of people who know just exactly what has been going on. Some have been my unwavering supporters. Some have asked me questions that I don't even have the answers for myself. Some have been less than what I'd hoped. Others have failed me completely."

    Especially the "Others have failed me completely." rings a little too close to home. Lots of love and prayers to you.

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  2. Sending hugs via the interwebs. I know I don't have any idea of what you're going through right now, and it's useless for me to sit here and speculate. But know that I'm in your corner, and that you have a supporter in KY.

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