Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Let me explain this so you can understand....

Last weekend, my husband and I had a discussion about a few of my favorite places in the world.  Two places that he's never once stepped foot in.  He has no desire ever to go to these places.  I, however, love them.

Ulta & DSW.

For those who don't know what Ulta and DSW are, I'll explain.  Ulta is a whole store devoted to nail polish and body washes and scented lotion and makeup and hair styling and eyeliner.  It is a happy, happy place.  DSW is a shoe store.  More on that later.

He doesn't understand the appeal.  At all.  Which is fine.

Let me explain this so you can understand, hairy person with Y chromosome....

You know how you feel about Best Buy?

...How it makes your heart race a little just to drive by?

...How you'll find any reason in the world to go there?  Like when we need batteries and you insist that you have to go to Best Buy to get batteries when I know damn well that I can get them at the grocery store, discount store or even the gas station for that matter?

...How you have to peruse all the aisles of the video games, music devices and phones at an absolute minimum every single time you go to the store, even if you have no reason to be there?

...How you have to touch every display item and play with every machine put out to be sampled?

....How you sit there and fall completely in love with the overpriced, unnecessarily large flat screen high definition television, then argue with your conflicted mind about why you can't live without it?

...How you can spend an hour there in the blink of an eye without even realizing you were gone that long?

Well....that's how I feel about Ulta.  I'd make the argument I'm not the only girl out there who does.

I can get my eyeliner at Target, but I'd rather not.  I'll take any excuse I can to go to Ulta.  I check out the nail polish, the flat irons and the lipstick at a minimum every time.  I sample the samples.  Because I can.  Then I wander to the expensive makeup and live in the fantasy world where I can justify $98 for foundation.  It would look so much better, right???

My analogy lesson wasn't over though.  I'd managed to convey the importance of Ulta, and he had a new found understanding of all the reasons I love it.  He was still a bit confused about DSW though.  You can, he reasoned, buy shoes anywhere.

Again, let me explain this so you understand.

You know how you feel about adult bookstores?

...How stepping foot in them brings you pleasure and makes you feel dirty all at the same time?

...How you have to convince yourself that you won't spend more than a set amount before you walk in?

...How the items are always mysteriously half revealed in the window displays, just showing enough to tease you?

...How you find yourself trying to figure out what that is and how you use it?

...How the lighting in there is just so perfect and the music gets you in the mood?

...How there is always the secret back room, secluded from the rest of the store, marked by the heavy velvet curtains drawn to the side seductively?

Yeah...that's how I feel about DSW.
Just take a moment to admire these fine ass shoes.

I have been in there once, and could barely contain myself.  I knew I had to leave or bad, bad things would happen.  I could deplete our bank account on shoes that only get worn once.  Oh, and there is a back room.  Damn, that back room....full of clearance shoes.  I have dark fantasies about what goes on in that room.

For those of you having difficulty explaining the significance of these stores, I urge you to point your boyfriends or husbands to this post.  Then they will get it.  I promise.


  1. First, the shoes would kill me. But I get your point. I actually am developing quite the shoe collection, though they are all shoes I could run in.

    Second, Ulta has been on my list of places to go this year (yes, what kind of girl am I to never have been before). I'm told I will like it...apparently it has things that appeal to my sense of organization like good all-in-one compacts.

    Fun post.

  2. People can try on shoes but I hope people don't try out things at the adult book store.


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