Thursday, January 26, 2012

30 Days of Random Questions, Day 21

Day 21:  Ever gone commando?

You know....without undergarments. Panties, underwear, briefs, boxers, skivvies, whatever you want to call them.

Those.


Now, I'm no prude. I'm sure there are those of you out there who do this routinely. Maybe even some who do it as a regular, daily part of living. I'd bet some of you aren't wearing underwear right now.

As an aside, I once knew this girl who NEVER wore underwear. And was terrible at predicting when she would get her period. Just a recipe for disaster, that is. A messy, gross, disturbing recipe for disaster. You'd think after a few public clothing catastrophes she would have learned to either wear something, carry feminine products 24/7 or get better at recognizing when her monthly friend would arrive....but no. Nasty.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway, I wear underwear. All the time.

Except for this one time.

It was a series of unfortunate events that led to an entire store full of people learning of my missing undergarments, one that still makes me cringe to this day.

I'd selected a long denim skirt that fateful day. Gone out to lunch with my children, one of which decided to put his/her gum on the seat when I wasn't looking.

You know I sat on it. It got on my skirt, without my noticing, then proceeded to get all over other places when I left the restaurant, got into my car and tucked the skirt beneath me as I sat down. And you can probably guess where it went.

Yep. There.

I immediately realized something was very wrong.

But I also had errands to run, and was far enough away from home that I made a decision to correct the issue and power through it. I just took off my underwear. In the car. In a parking lot. While my kids laughed at me and asked why I was doing it.

I picked off the remnants of gum left of my skirt, thanked the lord that it was a long skirt, and took the kids into the store.

Ally had to pee. Ally always has to pee. That's just how it works.

I took them to the family bathroom in the back, she did her business, and we walked out. Then, as we passed a huge group of shoppers, in her non-inside-voice she asked me why I wasn't wearing any panties.

There's really no good answer for that, especially for a bunch of complete strangers.

Ahhh, kids. They sure are fun.

First they get gum on your ass, then they embarrass the hell out of you.

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