Saturday, December 3, 2011

Fashion Emergency

You know how when you are out somewhere and see something that is just so wrong that you can't look away, then you realize that you aren't the only witness to the trainwreck?  When you lock eyes with someone else who sees the mess and you exchange the yeah, I know look?

Had a few of those experiences last night.

We had a holiday party to go to.  A room full of almost 200 people, most of which clearly need to get out more.  Or less.  Some of them should definitely go out less.

Trust me on this one.

Some people should also eat before they drink.  Okay, so everyone should eat before they drink.  Especially if they intend to drink profusely.  The problem is that when someone is clearly committed to drinking their dinner, as at least a few there were, they go from 0-60 in less than an hour.  From cordial, civil humans to obnoxiously loud wooooohoooooooers.

Some people should take dance lessons.  In particular, the people who are the first ones to hit the dance floor should take dance lessons.  Flailing randomly and doing twirls that end with a kick, while it may be entertaining, isn't really dancing.  Reminded me of a guy that Tom went to college with.  He snapped and pointed and twirled like no one's business, but never once to the beat.  You've got to appreciate the passion though.

Spandex can either be your best friend, or your worst enemy.  This is something that they really should teach in school.  Used properly, it can smooth and snug, boost and lift.  Used improperly, it just makes everything worse.  Squishing your fat out the top of the spanx doesn't help.  It shouldn't look like you have another set of boobs on your back.  My word of advice is to do a 180 in front of a mirror before committing to that dress.   Practice sitting and standing.  Give it a jiggle.   Just because the material will stretch enough to cover you doesn't mean that it fits.  Honest.
Yes, it was that bad.
Don't worry, I resisted the urge to share my knowledge with people last night.  Besides, it's just not a good idea to anger drunk women squeezed into dresses so tight they look like stuffed sausages.  And it can get messy.

But I'm sharing it with you here today.  Use it wisely.

By that, of course, I mean that you should stand in the corner laughing at the hot messes with a friend.

Train wrecks sure are fun to watch.

1 comment:

  1. That just always reminds me of Steel Magnolias and the mayor's wife. Something about two pigs wrestling under a dress and never leaving the house without pantyhose.

    ReplyDelete

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