Saturday, November 5, 2011

It's hard to be a fan

I've confessed here before my love of football.

I'm no fair weather fan, I'm not one to stop caring if my team is having a shitty season.  I actually plan my weekends around games, and will go to extreme lengths to avoid any contact with people who may know the outcome of the game in the event we have to tape it for some reason and watch it later.  I'm a purist.

I've spent years making sure my son understands the intricacies of the game.  I don't take my football lightly.

I'm pretty sure that I was one of the happiest people in the state of Colorado when the rumors of PAC-10 expansion started flying a few years ago.  The chance to see my team live again was what I hoped for the entire time the negotiations were happening.  Once it was official, I nearly peed my pants.

My Trojans were heading to Boulder every other year to throw it down.


The day the tickets were released to non-season ticket holders, both Tom and I were online immediately.  We got a pair.  Not the greatest seats, but close to Ralphie, which is awesome all in and of itself.  Ralphie is, by the way, seriously the most kick ass college mascot.  At least as far as the live animals go.  Frankly, I'm a little disappointed that there isn't a more high quality video of Ralphie.
We didn't sit in those seats though.  Papa and Aidan did.  We got these seats:
5th row up, 45 yard line.
The game was last night.  Walking in the stadium and hearing my band (the best band in all the land, so they say) brought me back to my college days.  Of course, our stadium never had the distinct odor of pot smoke hanging in the air all the time, but I guess that's what you get when you're in Boulder.  ;)

The game was a good one, it ended with a W.  It wasn't a close game by any stretch, but it wasn't a blowout either.  

We were so close we could hear the coaches talking to the players.  One SC player amused me pretty much the entire game with his jokes and dancing.  Clearly, they keep that guy around for the comedy relief.  His uniform wasn't dirty at all, no grass stains or mud...but he had a smile on his face the whole time.
Love that.

What I don't love, though, I have to discuss too.  Why, you ask?  Well, because it's me.   And I'm snarky.  So there.

I hate dry campuses.  College kids are going to drink like fish no matter what limits you put on them.  The schools just encourage them to binge drink before and after the game instead of spreading it out.  Plus, everyone else gets punished.  I want to drink a beer with my football, dammit.  Promise I won't barf on the seats.

I am fully cognizant of the fact that we were fans from the visiting team, in the house of a rowdy home crowd.  I get that.   I walked into the stadium in my cardinal and gold knowing it.  What I'll never understand though is the fact that people can't just be fans of their own team without being completely obnoxious and rude.  

I don't need some jackass to provide a running commentary on the game.  Especially one who knows nothing about the game.  Or the players.  Or the teams.  Honest.  Yeah, good for you.  You can read the name on the back of a jersey and yell it.  Good job.  Oh, and there really should be an age limit on being a douche bag.  Once you hit your mid-30's, you've graduated from being a mouthy smart ass to a pathetic has been.  Shut the hell up.

I can't stand the skinny little white boys who taunt the players, but would never in a million years think of doing it if they were on the other side of the fence. Seriously.  Dude, you didn't even make your high school team.  Sit the hell down.

I can't stand people who scream inappropriate things, like "sack him!", when the offensive play call is so clearly for a run.  The quarterback isn't even going to throw the damn ball, people.  He's handing it off the the running back immediately....he's so not getting sacked.  But I guess you would know that if you actually understood the game.  Again, shut the hell up.

I hate dumb drunk girls.  You know the ones.  The ones who know nothing about football, who don't care, who are just there to flip their hair and hold their girlfriends hands while they parade around the stadium.  Who constantly pose for pictures and can't understand why people are cheering when they are trying to talk on their phone.  The girls who stand on the benches in front of you just so you have to watch their asses jiggle.  Honey, it's sad.  Really.  If you could see what an embarrassment you are making of yourself, you'd knock it off.  Again, sit the hell down.

I hate whiners.  There's no crying in football.  When the winning team puts in their second string and backup quarterback in the fourth quarter, they clearly aren't trying to run up the score.  They are letting everyone play the damn game.  If your defense can't hold back the second string, that's your problem, not mine.  Don't start accusing the coach of being an asshole at the top of your lungs when he's fifteen feet away.  He's not.  You're a whiner, and a sore loser.  Oh, and you're the asshole.  Again, shut the hell up.

Some of us are trying to watch the damn game.

1 comment:

  1. I used to be big into football, but I haven't paid much attention to it since I got together with my husband... Sad, huh? My alma mater is a tiny, Catholic, liberal arts college, and its football team was tiny (Division 3). The one really good thing about my undergrad college was that it wasn't a dry campus. Catholics are too good at drinking for that. Hehe.

    Now for grad school I'm at the University of Cincinnati. And I hate the Bearcats. It's sad. I'm glad you loved your college team! And your seats look amazing.


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