Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Panic at the Fall Festival

I had to seriously laugh out loud when I was watching the news last night.

Apparently, some family decided to head out to their local farm for the fall festival.  Fun, hay bales, dirt and getting charged for everything including the corn the farm already feeds to it's own animals.

I swear we can't go to one of those things without dropping close to $100.  The worst part of that is that we are cheap, and it seems like we are constantly telling the kids that they can't buy this or have money for that or feed this animal.  At the most we end up walking away with one tiny pumpkin to show for it.

One thing that we do every year, which provides hours of entertainment, is wander around the corn maze.  Every year, we enter the maze with good intentions.  We will find the strategically placed stamps and navigate the entire path correctly.  We will find our way out of the maze without incident before dark.  We will have fun and not freak out.

Then, every year, we get lost.

Really lost.

I have a ridiculously good sense of direction, and Tom has hiked 50 miles at a time through the wilderness without getting lost.  We should be able to get out of a damn corn maze.  But no.

It's so bad that last year we vowed to stay in the first row, fool the kids into thinking we'd walked further.  We planned to just walk back and forth in the same row for a while so it seemed legitimate, and the kids weren't disappointed in their corn maze incompetent parents.

I think we were stuck in there one year for over two hours.  I wish I was kidding.  We have to make sure we go early enough in the day that we've got hours of daylight to work with, just in case we get lost again. And bring lots of water.

We figured out a long time ago that when the panic starts to set in, just head west.  Corn rows be damned, we will go through them if we the kids start freaking out.  Oh yeah, we are those people.  The ones that emerge from the corn maze exhausted and grateful to be out, practically kissing the ground when we make it to the exit.  Except it's farm ground and you can't kiss that shit, literally.  It's nasty.

It's almost comical now.

Which is why the story on the news last night was so damn funny.  This family got stuck in a corn maze.

And they called 911.  Because they feared for the safety of their children.  It was getting dark, and everyone knows that corn mazes are haunted in October, right???  Soon the grim reaper would be patrolling the rows, looking for tiny people to torment.

Turns out they were only about 25 feet from the exit when they were found.

I know, right?!?!?!?!

At least their kids are young enough to be mostly unaware of the fact that everyone in the country is laughing at their parents right now.

We've been lost, stuck in those crazy mazes for hours, but we've never been desperate enough to alert the authorities.  Whew.

At least we aren't that bad.

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