Sunday, September 18, 2011

Which is it?

A few nights ago, we curled into bed after putting the kids down and watched a movie.

Correction:  Most of a movie.

I get into a horizontal position and chances are that I'm nodding off at a minimum.  I did see most of the movie, which ended up being far more interesting than I thought it would be.

The Adjustment Bureau.

I didn't really know much about it before it started, I'm not really up on the latest DVD releases and all that.  I don't get to walk into theaters often without there being some singing cartoon bear on the screen, and even then I'm forced only to half pay attention since I'm usually constantly negotiating with my children.  You know them by other names, but for these purposes, I will refer to them as always wants popcorn, always needs to pee, incapable of sitting still and talking incessantly.

Anyhow, this movie was decent and thought provoking.  Without giving too much of it away to those of you with a desire to see it, it was about a man who refuses to accept the path that has been predetermined in his life.  He comes to learn that every single thing that has ever happened in his personal history has been orchestrated for specific purposes, he's been but a puppet to the marionette referred to as "the chairman" in the story.

No less than halfway through the movie, I dismissed it as Hollywood fiction because there is so clearly no way that anyone has scripted my life the way it has unfolded.  Well, unless whoever is in charge has a really freaking messed up sense of humor....and even that assumes that my life eventually finds its way to a happy ending.  Right now, I'm feel like I'm waiting more for the punchline than the happily ever after.

Can you tell I've learned not to question if anything else could go wrong?

It did make me think though.  There have been oh-so-many times in my life where I thought I was walking a predetermined path only to find myself derailed and going off into some direction I never could have dreamt of.  Things have rarely (if ever) worked out the way that I wanted them to.  Plans have come to mean virtually nothing in my world because they never come to fruition.  What I want, usually meaning nothing.

But then, those were my plans I was talking about up there that got derailed.  Maybe, just for arguments sake, there is really someone else in charge.  Maybe I am walking exactly the path that I am supposed to.  Maybe this is all part of some grand scheme that I don't get to sneak a preview for.  Maybe someone else is really in charge.

If that's the case, I'd sure like a moment to pick his/her brain.  I would probably have some not-so-nice words for the chairman.

I'm sure because this movie had worked it's way into my subconscious, I had a very bizarre dream last night.  I dreamt that I was talking to Dr. Ian Malcolm in the Jurassic Park movies.  This has got to be the only way Jeff Goldblum is ever getting into my dreams, I'm telling you.  For those of you who don't immediately identify him with that character, he is a scientist who cautions the other characters in the movie about chaos theory.  About how everything is indeed subject to a certain degree of randomization, and that any human attempt to control is it futile and misguided.  He also rants for a period during the movie about how life will find a way regardless of the attempts the scientists have made to prevent it.

I woke up in a haze.

Clearly I am letting these movies get into my subconscious a little too much.  I did have to wonder then, which one is right?  Are the lives we lead predetermined or at the mercy of random chance and chaos?   Or it is a little of both?

For reasons that I will eventually disclose....I'm going to go with the random chance for now.  Story of my life.  Something potentially huge and life altering may only be affecting a small percentage of people in this country right now, and I just happen to be one of them.  At the mercy of chance, I am.  Waiting it out.

Lucky me.

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