Tuesday, July 5, 2011

People Watching

I love to people watch.  LOVE it. 

Some places are better than others to do it.  Some places, like the mall or airport just lend themselves to a larger variety of people.  Others, like Walmart yield a higher concentration of weirdness.

Oh the things that people wear. 


We went back to the pool yesterday, since it's a good way to get the kids really tired.  And isn't that the goal of every parent?

I figured that since it was a holiday there wouldn't be too many people there.  That everyone else in town would have somewhere more fun to be, like parties and picnics and BBQs. 

The pool was still about halfway full.

Apparently we aren't the only really boring family.

We settled in and ate lunch, then greased up the kids and threw them in the pool.  Not literally, of course.  The nazi lifeguard was there, constantly yelling at everyone.  No throwing, no dunking, no roughhousing, no jumping, get away from the slide, get off my chair, and NO HAVING FUN!

Seriously.  Every kid in the pool was with a parent, and there wasn't a single one of them doing anything inappropriate.  But whatever, the 16 year old lifeguard was the big boss lady. 

Fortunately, there was ample people watching. 

Like the funky Tourret's guy that manages to show up all over the place.  I swear I see him every time I'm at the pool.  He spends most of his time eyeballing all the moms in the pool and talking involuntarily to himself, but every so often insists on talking to other people.  There weren't enough people to keep him busy, so he spent a lot of his time sticking his fingers in the fountains.  Yes, this is a grown man.

Or the lady who's boobs make mine seem tiny and insignificant, no small task.  Her swimsuit had a shelf built in for the ladies, pointing them to the heavens.  I swear we were only centimeters from seeing nipple.  It's hard not to look when something like that is being so obviously and so prominently displayed.

Or the tween girl who brought her Ken and Barbie dolls to the pool.  She spent most of the time that I was watching her playing with them by the rocks.  Of course Ken and Barbie were naked.  Of course they were experimenting with different positions.  Of course they were doing completely inappropriate things at a children's pool. 

Or the poor tween girl who's mom had crammed her body into one of those sun suits.  You know, the throwback to the 1940's women's suits with long sleeves and long pants.  Because that's what I want to wear when it's 100 degrees.  The suit was about 3 sizes too small, resulting in a constant wedgie.  The worst part?  The fluorescent pink floppy sun hat.  Clearly, this mother wants her kid to get laughed at. 

Or the woman who reminded me constantly of the fact that I am not nearly as bad of a mother as I think I am.  She had a small herd of children, all clearly from different fathers.  She walked laps around the pool yelling at the kids, without ever actually entering the water.  Even though she had a one year old in the pool.  It never ceases to amaze me how terrible some people are at parenting. 

Or, just before we left, the family that arrived.  With 5 kids, the youngest of which was maybe a year and a half old.  The dad, who looked to be pushing 50.  And the extremely pregnant mother waddling around the pool.  I'm pretty sure Tom's jaw actually hit the floor when he realized how many there were.  See, honey, it could be worse.  We could have two more kids

Nothing like spending a few hours at the pool to make you feel exceedingly normal and boring.

1 comment:

  1. We could have two more kids...˙ahah˙..he's been fixed right?


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