Monday, July 25, 2011

No Further

They say that there were a few weeks at the beginning of summer break that were nice.  I have no choice but to believe it.  I was stuck inside then, at the mercy of my children who kept injuring themselves.

Concussions.  Ugh.

When my son asks me for the three thousandth time why he can't play tackle football like everyone else, and why I am a mean mom and why he can't just go jump off the bridge like everyone else, I'll have to remind him about his jiggly jello brain from June.

I don't think ten year olds should be tackling anything.  But I know that a whole heap of y'all are going to disagree with me on that one.  

Anyway, thanks to his jiggly jello brain, and his brother's jiggly jello brain, and his sister's nearly broken hand, we were trapped indoors when it was nice.  

When it was in the high 70's and breezy and gorgeous.

Now?  Holy lord.  

It's been damn close to 100 degrees for almost a month straight.  Which would be bad enough if it was a "dry" heat like it's supposed to be here in our arid high altitude climate.  

But no.

It's been humid.  And damp.  And moist.  And nasty.

The kind of weather where taking a shower is an exercise in futility.  Where you start sweating before you even dry off.  Where there is no point trying to apply makeup because it's going to be running down your faces in mere minutes.  Where there is no point doing anything with your hair, because it'll end up in a ponytail eventually.   

When you start sweating in places you didn't realize sweat could come from.  Really?  There are sweat glands there???  

I did not realize that.

One of the blogs I follow is written by a woman who lives in the south somewhere.  I about died laughing when I read one of her Facebook posts about how if anyone needed her for the next month, she'd be straddling the a/c vent.  

Another writer makes reference to her swamp panties this time of year.    You must follow them both, really.   Because I said so.

Good lord I was laughing.

Laughing because I know now what they were referring to.  And because I also know now that I can never move further east from here.  

I don't think I'd survive if it was hotter and more humid than it's been.  

Me and my spoiled Southern California raised ass don't handle this weather with style and grace.  I'm melting.   Literally.

I want to lay beneath a fan with a spray bottle misting myself constantly crunching on ice.

Or maybe I'll just straddle the a/c vent.  That writer, she is a genius.

Y'all know where to find me now.


  1. Love my floor vents...and I'm lucky enough to be in Southern California right now....where it is actually cooler than Colorado in July....weird!  

  2. Kentucky's weather has been like yours lately, probably worse. 115-degree heat indices suck. It's so bad that I've worn shorts 6 times this summer. I haven't worn shorts since I was 15. Swamp ass is less prevalent, but my legs are about 6 shades whiter than an albino ghost in a bucket of bleach. On the upside, two kids later and I still fit into my old shorts.

    I'm so jealous of your floor vents! We have vents in the ceiling and those stupid ones down by the baseboards in the walls. Wonder what my husband would think if he came home to find me without pants with my ass pressed against the wall? Might make for good blogging material... ;)


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