Friday, July 15, 2011

for me

I am doing something for me today.

Something I've been wanting to do for years now, but never did.

Something that is almost 3 years overdue.

A few days before my father died, I was at work with him on his last day there.  He knew he didn't have much time left, and spent a while cleaning out his car.  He cleaned out his desk.  He had to take lots of breaks because he was so fatigued, but he was determined to do all these things.

And I just did whatever I could to help him.

Before we left the lab for the last time, he said he wanted to give me something.

He'd been reading what I'd written here for a while by then, and he knew about the things that I put on my Christmas list.

He knew that he'd never to be able to give me the thing I wanted most, which was for him to get better.

He knew he wouldn't be around for anymore Christmases.

He knew.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.  His hands were shaking so much.

He handed me a card.  A gift card.  One that he'd been given, but never used.  He figured there wasn't much point in him getting anything new, he said.  He didn't need it.

But I did.  I needed to get something nice just for me.

He knew how often I'd push my needs and wants aside for things that the kids needed or wanted.

He knew I never do anything nice just for me.

He knew that I needed something replaced.  Something that I wear every day close to my heart.  Something that hasn't fully captured what it should for almost three years now.

My necklace.

It's a simple open heart necklace, with birthstone pendants for the kids. The one that has hung around my neck for six years contains markers for three of my babies.  But one has been missing now for a while.


I ordered a new one today, using the card that he gave me.  One that is whole and perfect.

Dad, you helped me to get this thing just for me, and I'll have a little piece of you on that necklace now too.

I love you.

1 comment:

  1. What a great gift! And I'm so glad your necklace will finally be complete! Still thinking of you and your dad often.


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