Thursday, June 16, 2011

A Strange Birthday Request

My brother's birthday is today.

I'll spare you all the singing. 

He's not really a sentimental type. 

Which is good right now.  I don't have it in me to be sentimental about anything else right now.

Though he recently started following me on Facebook, he still claims he doesn't read this.  I have a sneaking suspicion that he might today though. 

Mental note: This shouldn't suck.

A few years ago, I asked him what he wanted and he said what he always says.  Nothing. 

Which is true, I guess.  He's reached the point in his life where he doesn't hold out for things he really wants or needs from other people. 

But I don't like answers like that.  I always feel compelled to get him something for his birthday.  So after me bugging the crap out of him all those years ago, he finally gave me an answer. 

He wanted a can of spray cheese, 15 red balloons and a pony.

For those of you who wonder why I am the way I am, there you go. 

You know he got a box in the mail with a can of spray cheese, 15 red balloons and a pony, right?

This year, he gave his typical response that he wanted nothing for his birthday.  In my typical fashion, I refused to accept his response. 

Finally, this is what he asked for this year:

A naked picture of Bea Arthur. 

And no, I'm not kidding. 

Turns out that Bea Arthur wasn't nearly as risque as her co-star.  Betty White did indeed take nude pin-up photos, which you can see here if you are interested.  Don't worry, they are really old.  Which is good, because she is really naked.  Ha ha ha.

This is as close as I can get to a naked Bea Arthur.  Painted by an artist named John Currin, this is what he envisions she would have looked like nude.  He clearly envisioned her having a great rack.   I'm not posting the entire picture here, but you could Google it if you're so inclined.

Happy Birthday, Gary.  Don't say I never gave you anything.


To everyone deepest and most profound apologies.
Bea Arthur (1991), John Currin, cropped

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